Use a custodial wallet for zaps and your node for privat transactions 🤷

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It's not in my best interest at this time to encourage the use of proxy lightning node operators.

Tbh I still don’t understand your problem. Either you want to zap a person publicly, then of course that zap is visible.

If not use anonymous zap or non-zap transactions.

From my understanding you are basically asking why you can’t have a Ferrari that’s also useful as a pickup truck.

I suppose I wish their was a way to indicate a post received sats but revealing nothing else.

Which is anonymous zap?

This seems reasonable. My Nostr wallets are just for Nostr (and yes are Custodial)