Use a custodial wallet for zaps and your node for privat transactions 🤷
Discussion
It's not in my best interest at this time to encourage the use of proxy lightning node operators.
Tbh I still don’t understand your problem. Either you want to zap a person publicly, then of course that zap is visible.
If not use anonymous zap or non-zap transactions.
From my understanding you are basically asking why you can’t have a Ferrari that’s also useful as a pickup truck.
This seems reasonable. My Nostr wallets are just for Nostr (and yes are Custodial)