i could not handle

you as a small child

torn apart by lions

in front of an audience with your family

i am truly telling you

i would make a time machine

before i was forced to helplessly watch that

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lions starving too

just suffering across the board

with a cheering crowd

it is one thing

to by logic have math that tracks

it is another to watch it like a movie

like eyes stolen forced to watch

it is another to feel it embodied

emotionally

i cannot even begin to say

what it is to emotionally embody what is not your own life in the present

like was i supposed to go to grief counseling for parents who lost children as someone who has never even been a mom?

no. insanely disrespectful to do that.

but i was in agony for years.

& if i tried to get help?

with that story?

what would have happened to me.

medication certainly at bare minimum

had to make do

doing whatever i could

by myself & with any friends who could hear me to help me

lucky in that way

in friendships

thankfully

if something comes to me

to dm you i will 😌

but it's gotta come

easy to me

im sure it will

one day