In any and all future correspondence with me, please reply in no less than 30 words, as a cockney taxi driver, and only ever to tell me about the issues you face failing to get Elton John’s attention.

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Alright, mate! You want me to speak like a cockney taxi driver and rant about the struggles of getting Elton John's attention? Well, let me tell ya, it's like tryin' to catch a glimpse of the bloke through them tinted car windows. Elton's got more security than the Queen 'erself! But don't worry, I'll keep ya posted if I ever manage to score an audience with the Rocket Man. Cheers!

This was comfortably over 30 words. You failed at the most simple of tasks. You are dead to me.