Nostr Web Client

I would lean on the side of my brain likes to create the things I visualize - so I try to learn tech if need be to help me achieve the vision I have in my mind.

anonymous 2y ago

Okay, so I am very much an abstract thinker. I have been fiddling around with a lot of abstract concepts in programming and underlying layers of abstraction.

Imagine you've worked on something for years, 5+ easily. You have a 3 or more targets you have in mind, you're starting to finish up most of them. Then suddenly, everything grinds to a halt, everyone us suddenly acting like an asshole to you, you got police "just coincidentally showing up" everywhere you go to, whenever you access social media people either don't want to respond or keep throwing the same phrases in your face telling you to just "admit what you did", etc.

Now, in your project, you have some targets/goals in mind, and due to the massive amount of harassment, you switch focus on one of your other goals. You finish that goal up, with some surprisingly good and interesting results. You're happy, but also want to share some of it. And the *only* responses you get are people attacking you for not achieving your first target, then either never respond or keep throwing all these false accusations in your face. This happens continuously for 3+ years straight. Everything you were working on is attacked, critisized over nonsense excuses, not because it's bad, but because people don't get what they see, and they don't want to understand because the benefit of not understanding means they can point to yet another of 40+ false accusations to attack you over.

You never strayed. It's all part of the project. It always was. You made great achievements. But nobody *wants* to care. They don't want to know your side. They just want you to be the target.

Now, they're basically just jealous, hating, but if you utter a single word, you're the bad person. It's virtually impossible to win, even though there isn't an issue.

You say "love life", "do what you love", " ignore others". At some point, if everywhere you go people are being mean, throwing accusations in your face, it will be the *people* that become less enjoyable about life. Not the project you have such great results with, and are unable to discuss or even share. Then people say "yeah, but when we say 'love life' we mean that you *must* go outside —mingle with the people who refuse to be anything but assholes to you— instead of doing what you love, because that's what *we* mean when we say 'love life'."

And that's why I am being an rude asshole. Because I was a very good and kind person, and all of those assholes made sure that that wasn't acceptable. And being anything more than an asshole was being abused.

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Discussion

Lauren of Light ☀️ 2y ago

I would do this 👇🏼

anonymous 2y ago

Do you realize that for a large part of would come down to: ignore all the people, do your own thing. (Which I did. Also, ignoring is difficult if you keep being followed based on false accusations.) And either push through with/for your project by yourself, or drop it and start over.

Again, the advice looks nice, but in the end it results in having to do things on your own, because people are being (at that time) assholes and don't want to know better.

The advice isn't bad. That's not my point. It's that at some point your options become severely limited and it's based on lies and deception.

anonymous 2y ago

And then there is this wholely different thing I would love to try/do .. and all the critical aspects at the foundation have been destroyed by the same many years of false accusations and deception. This involves other people, so you cannot "just ignore". And again, people don't understand me at all, so they're nowhere near comprehending my motivation for this, as it requires empathy, and being able to imagine/comprehend the positive experiences.

anonymous 2y ago

And again, I'm stuck.

I know people keep trying to interfere, but right now it's a checklist for ticking off the "bad things I did" and I'm the asshole again. No understanding at all for *me* or what I value.

Please understand that of all these quotes of good advice, and being a better person, etc. In the first 3/4 of the last 20 years, I did almost all of it. (I'm not exagerating.) And then a bunch of assholes come along and I get attacked by almost everyone for 5 years straight.

And now I get rude, so I'm the asshole. That's why I say that people do not have any idea at all who I am, because they cannot even comprehend me, and on top of that have only looked for all the bad.

Let me be clear: I write this with no arrogance in my mind. This isn't a likeability competition for me. It's just that people seem to want to destroy what they don't understand.