It's funny yes, but, from my experience, usually are the guys who want friends with benefits, or whatever you wanna call it...
Discussion
Years ago, when I would mention polyamory, I had to explain it. A few years later, I started hearing people say they were polyamorous, only to find out they meant "promiscuous". 🤦🏻♂️
I don't believe in polyamory. It's already difficult to build a connection with one person, imagine with several and all councious. Unless is a contract without feelings involved, a conditional give and take.
But that is not what I want. Although I don't judge who believes in it, all open connections I witnessed until today, end up in separation. How can one be committed, if the foundation of this is to have shallow interactions in quantity? Not to mention that we all don't like people equally, so, along the way some issues of jealousy and possessiveness will come to the service. And everyone will have to be conscious and intervene for the sake of all, right? How do you do that?
Polyamory, is being used as a way of hiding promiscuous behaviour as you just mentioned. Not for me. I want unconditional love, either platonic or inside a connection. I am pretty happy and at peace by my own company.
A lot of the issues you mention here are related to having relationships with multiple people.
You can love people without having a relationship with them.
Of course you can. I love all my friends.
But polyamory implies a relationship between several people that know each other and aware that they are connected to others not on a platonic sense.
I wasn't referring to plutonic love, but the "in love" type of love.
People often think that if they have this feeling about someone that they should be in a relationship with them, especially when the feeling is mutual.
Even though "being in love" is the basis of a romanitic relationship, it does not mean that a relationship is necessary. In fact, two people can be in love with each other, and be a horrible match relationship wise.
In addition, it's possible to be in love with many people, and never tell them.
Conflating "romantic love" with the necessity for a relationship is sometimes the source of infidelity, or other break ups. I've seen people in tears because they found a second love, and think the only solution is to break up with a person they also love and are with. It's like these people think love is finite, when it's their time spent with someone that has limits.
I think people mistake lust and limerence for love.
Limerence can be quite destructive and unsettling.
The craving for another that can be based on sex, power or simply the crave for something we cannot have.
This is not Love.
How many people do you know that spend time ( sometimes years), craving for another only to be totally disappointed after they have it? Some people loose their entire life dealing with this fantasies.
Our mind is a very powerful tool. It can make us believe delusional fantasies for years, that once experienced leave us with a sense of desperation and disbelief. Others just stay stuck in lala land.
I think we can "crave", "desire" many, but to Love in a romantic sense, many people, I don't believe.
To build intimacy with many ? Intimacy demands vulnerability and openness. How many of us are capable of this, towards another?
To be in love means to want the best for another as you would want for self. To make another "self". Few of us experience this kind of love. I see more of this "in love" kind of love in between plutonic connections. I see it more between friends and family of choice, than In between couples.
Of course this "in love" with friends, comes without passion and sexual desire. So it's a different kind of love.
In between couples, to be "in love" with another, and plus feeling passion and sexual desire, I think it is rare. Most people dismiss it when they come across it.
I don't believe we can be "in Love" with many people in a romantic sense. Love is a verb, it has implicit an intention and action to build with another, have a family, have Intimacy, experience life with another on a deep level. I doubt we would want to do this with many people at same time. Do you think it is even possible? To open yourself, free of masks ? Is already difficult with one person...with many? And have it reciprocate?
To know a person, we need daily interactions for at least 6 months, and we are touching only the surface of each other. After this amount of time, when the chemicals that our body realises, start to balance, then we can start to see what our true feelings are towards another.
Plus, even if sometimes we don't notice, we are always evolving and changing. Only connections based on true love will thrive, because is a never ending story between two people who choose everyday to know everything about one other, without stopping the dance of curiosity of knowing who they are becoming.
Everything that is a power struggle is not Love. The couples that fight just to make up afterwards, sorry, but that is not love. That is an addiction to the release of oxytocin and dopamine, the highs and lows. It's like a drug addiction. Of course some people are not compatible, I can understand that. But maybe that is a sign that it is not true Love ?
You see, love is easy and "boring", comes with a sense of peace and ease between two people.
Most people, when in front of it, dismiss it, because they associate love with excitement, highs and lows, the butterflies in the stomach, which is nothing more than lust, that dissipates after a while.
It's like when we want to buy something, we get all excited but once we have it, it looses the initial spike of interest. And then we go for the next thing....it's human behaviour at is best.
