the backup for bitcoin is the seed. if you use bitcoin for many years, you get used of that. remember the seed or write it down somewhere and you are covered

for lightning the seed is NOT the backup.

this is irritating and costs a lot of people a lot of money

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The seed is for onchain funds of you only. Not for the multisig wallet transactions established for channels. That's documented and the reason to backup

from the funding wallet i have requested a closing of the channel and a refund of my money. the wallet shows the amount as refundable, shows the correct value, says channel shutting down and even asked to where. i was told it can take 14 days, it takes longer than a year now, nothing happened.

lightning is broken. i would not recommend it to anyone. only for very small micro payments where it does not matter

Do you have the closing transaction(s) or their id(s) ?

Agreed this is why i dont store funds on lightening on my own node