I'm trying for the first time in my adult life to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, but being a good person in general doesn't come easy to me.
It's a constant battle to put aside my hatred and anger and sometimes I lose that battle.
The important thing is to keep trying, keep studying the gospel of Jesus, and keep praying for the presence of the holy Spirit to bring peace and guidance.
The softening of the heart takes time. You’re on the right path!
That's all you're supposed to do.
There is no standard for this. Bad people aren't necessarily bad, and the same goes for good people; everyone's life is just about pursuing their own heart
1) You are not a "bad" person for having such thoughts. That is just another thought. You are not your thoughts.
2) Don't judge yourself about it, that's - you guessed it - just another thought.
3) Developing mindfulness (vipassana) and concentration (samatha) will allow you to catch the moment where your strong emotions get triggered and simply observe, without judgement, and let it go. It will be 1 time in 10 at first, then 2, 3...
4) You develop those by establishing and adhering to a meditation practice. The basic instructions are very simple so I won't reproduce them here, just search for vipassana meditation or samatha meditation; I recommend you go heavy on samatha (concentration/calm abiding) for the first year or so, and build a strong base from which to develop the mindfulness side of things.
All it takes is faith in the process, commitment and consistency. Your mind will be transformed by this in ways that are hard to imagine if you have not been through the process.
I too battle every day with my hatred for what is un-just. (Amos 5:15) It is hard to put away judgement and learn love and grace (unmerited favor) 2 tim 1:9,
I thank the true God every day for preserving for us his word, carefully concealed in Christ (colossians 2:3) and written down for us in the bible. Man is far from perfection at this time, and our test is if we will seek righteousness even if there is error all around us (psalm 31:10). Following closely in the teaching of Christ is the only way to learn what good really is.
Unfortunately we are living in a period of darkness. There is nobody doing good, not even one. (psalm 14:3) But the light has come into the world and it is our healing to draw close to that light.(Isaiah 9:2) The law of moses was a tutor leading to Christ, I am thankful that the creator provides a path for us to find it. (galatians 3:23)
