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I've had plenty of dark thoughts recently as well, however for me it also has to do with my own choices and how I have been avoiding making changes by procrastinating. Today when I wasn't out doing things I tried to face them and think through them. There are other people involved as well in the dark thoughts but ultimately I hold myself and unwillingness to change responsible for some of the things I've landed in recently. Cheering up is probably a form of procrastination or escapism, so I made the decision to stay in the rest of the day and try to face my troubles honestly.

Dissident Sound 5mo ago

( Part 1 )

Just to clarify - it is good to have fun and enjoy life. I am not trying to suggest we turn into monks. but fun should be a REWARD rather than a DISTRACTION. handle the painful stuff first, then have as much fun as you like. do not use fun as excuse or distraction to put the painful stuff off.

our instinct is to avoid the pain which is a good instinct overall, because pain usually means damage but sometimes repairing the damage is equally if not more painful, and this is a pain we shouldn't avoid. think of it as getting stitches on a wound.

in other words you should always be clear on the distinction between pain and damage. pain correlates with damage and is designed to be something that doesn't require thinking to respond to, which is useful for animals and people who don't think. but if you're a thinking person you should never forget that damage can feel good ( like drugs and alcohol ) and healing can be painful ( stitches ).

i was always amazed by American obsession with avoiding pain. in Soviet Union we didn't have pain killers. i had a procedure when i was a kid in USSR / Ukraine where they literally drilled into my skull to put a plastic tube into my sinuses so they could flush them out and put in antibiotics and i didn't get any pain killers for this. NONE. i never heard of anybody using pain killers for any purpose until i got to America where people were using pain killers for EVERYTHING.

the funniest part was when during the Pandemic liberals said that the reason i am not taking the VAXX is because i am afraid of needles ... Americans have no idea how damning it is that they could even think like this. in USSR people were taught to simply accept pain in the same way Americans were taught to accept working themselves to death.

by contrast of course in USSR we always avoided work, and it's another thing i couldn't understand when i came to America - why are people looking to work more instead of less ?

so when it comes to pain and work the attitudes in USSR and USA were reversed. in USSR everybody including children was expected to just handle physical pain without complaining, but also it was considered obvious that you should always avoid work when possible. in America people are eager to work as much as possible but are afraid of slightest bit of physical pain.

( continued in Part 2 )

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Dissident Sound 5mo ago

( Part 2 )

now regarding emotional pain ...

emotional pain is an open wound that hasn't been stitched up. some cut has opened the wound, it was painful and you know if you touch that spot it will hurt so you're just avoiding going there but of course this is not a very smart course of action.

even worse, perhaps the pain is bothering you so you grab a bottle of vodka so that once you're drunk it won't hurt as much. now in addition to not fixing the wound you're damaging the liver too, and that's if you get lucky and don't end up creating new wounds while being drunk.

the correct course of action is to stitch up the wound, which will hurt like a bitch, but it has to be done and the sooner it is done the better. if you wait for time to "heal all wounds" you will likely end up with an infection, plus it won't heal correctly.

you have to clean the wound and stitch it up. both will hurt in the short term but in the long term it's the only way it will heal correctly.

this basically means you face whatever thoughts make you uncomfortable head on rather than try to dodge them.

( continued in part 3 )

Dissident Sound 5mo ago

( Part 3 )

now what is actually a wound ? what causes emotional pain ? IMO it is a disconnect between expectation and reality so to speak.

let's say you tried to talk to a girl and she rejected you. it hurt - but why ? nothing actually changed. literally everything is objectively exactly how it was before you saw the girl - only thing that has changed is your mind. so what is it that is hurting ?

well in your mind you were worthy of a nice girl and reality has shown that you are not. but your mind is refusing to accept this. so now in your mind two incompatible states exist - one of what you used to believe and want to continue believing - namely that you are worthy of a nice girl - and one of reality that you are not. you can't reconcile the two and you don't want to give up the fantasy thus any time you remember what happened it hurts and you try not to think about it by distracting yourself with something else.

but distracting yourself won't make the disconnect go away. the disconnect is the wound. it needs cleaning and stitching up. to do that you would have to reflect deeply on what has happened and why and it will be horrible but your ultimate goal is to close the gap between how you feel ( every woman must want me ) and how things really are ( only women i don't like want me ).

of course this is just an example. maybe the disconnect is that you believe something was somebody else's fault but deep down you know it was your fault. this is making you feel shitty so you avoid thinking about it.

whatever the case may be the goal is still the same - close the disconnect between how you are trying to feel and what the reality is. this requires facing the pain rather than running from it.

the problem is that a lot of times we don't even realize we are running from it. our brain will instinctively try to find something less painful to think about and we usually have a lot on our hands so this won't be that hard. but the sooner you clean / stitch up the wound the better off you will be in the long term. that means that when you are initially hit with that pain assuming you're not in the middle of anything important you just go to bed to avoid any distractions and allow your brain to process it.

sometimes the brain will do the work by itself. other times it will either try to think of something else or go to sleep and you may want to actively remind it why you're in bed - that you have a specific goal of looking at a particular something that is bothering you.

the good news is that once you have completely processed the Trauma and accepted all the painful but obvious lessons you can now move on with your life and not be afraid that something or somebody will trigger you by sticking their finger into your wound.

think of all the unprocessed Trauma like a To-Do list for your mind. the more you keep putting it off the longer the list gets and the more miserable you feel just by contemplating the existence of that huge list. by contrast if you simply do the things on the list it goes away and you can enjoy yourself without any kind of anxiety in the back of your mind.

so yeah i agree avoiding those dark thoughts is just another form of procrastination.

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Dissident Sound 5mo ago

( Part 4 )

the way most people deal with such disconnects is they seek out other people with the same disconnect and then they begin to reassure each other that actually their fantasy is correct and the reality is wrong

this is why Christians stick to Christians, Muslims to Muslims, Jews to Jews, Hoes to Hoes, PUAs to PUAs, Incels to Incels and so on ...

this is also why i am always alone. because the purpose of friends is simply to reassure you of your delusions, but i don't have any delusions so i don't need friends.

by seeking out "like minded" people you don't just make it impossible for the wound to ever close but you make the wound your entire identity. eventually it becomes your life purpose to attack those who do not share your wound which you have yourself chosen not to leave open.

eventually this leads to war and genocide when inevitably those who refuse to believe your fantasy have to be mass murdered.

it has been said that all wars are started by lies. that is certainly true but also Nietzsche has said that we lie primarily to ourselves, and to others only by extension. so yes wars are started by lies but it's lies people want to believe.

it is en vogue these days to say "we are peaceful not harmelss" ... but what is the difference ? the difference is somebody who is peaceful only fights real enemies, which are few. somebody who is belligerent is projecting his own demons onto everybody around them like Jews do, and then end up fighting everybody all of the time because they are incapable of introspection.

in case of the Jews this is deliberate, because being a race of parasites their number one threat is assimilation into the host. peace is death to the Jews. they thrive on conflict, and they must be incapable of introspection in order to maintain said perpetual conflict. if Jews were able to think with the same clarity as i do they would simply stop being Jews as i have. their genocidal schizophrenia is all they have - without it they are extinct tomorrow.

but you are not a Parasite Tribe - you are a person. what works for Jews won't work for you. delusion doesn't make you stronger - it makes you a target for sadistic trolls like me who suspect where you might be hiding your wounds and can't wait to stick our fingers in there.

this is how i am so easily able to torture the Fedi Incels - because they made denial their identity. and also why they can't get under my skin because i not only face my demons but also am open about them.

the chain is only as strong as the weakest link. the secrets you hide are your weakest points. for Trump it's him being on the Epstein list. for you it may be some trauma you haven't processed - that is a secret you're trying to keep from yourself.

my advice is don't do anything you would have to keep from others and if you are trying to keep a secret from yourself - stop. whatever it is admit it to yourself. being at peace with yourself is priceless.

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Dissident Sound 5mo ago

some typos in above post anyway Robert Greene teaches to seek out friends whose defects are the opposite of yours

so for example if you're quiet you should hang out with those who are loud and so on

of course everybody does the opposite. instead of working on their weaknesses they make their weakness their identity.

don't seek out people with the same wounds. close the wounds then seek out people who are strong where you are weak.

you can be comfortable or you can make progress. not both.

Prince Aleph 5mo ago

Yes, this is very good. I've decided that X is also a form of procrastination as well, and I need to take an extended break from it as you have done, until I accomplish some urgent things. Often I say well I will just look at this or that but it turns into a few hours of scrolling.

I do seek out contrasting people to the extent that I seek out people at all. My method of late is, if I seek out people, it is for specific goals rather than just the generic "make friends". So for example I know people who like to take road trips and do photography. This is not for money, it's just a kind of idealistic artistic pursuit I guess.

And as for women, I don't approach them at all but sometimes women get sexually aggressive with me and then maybe I will respond. Several of these have been quite good-looking but they are never really looking for anything lasting as you well know.

For example, I recently met that tall chick and she both acted sexually aggressive and wanted to meet up for dance practice. I would be OK with this. But she looks like a mentally ill hoe and so far has been unreliable, so I remain skeptical. This is not just about hoes, either - people flake all the time, everywhere now. It's a feature of American society more and more since before Covid.

Another example of this is a friend of mine who wanted to start a podcast. I was willing, but it never went anywhere. We never got to step one. This is why I think it's a bigger, collective problem as to whether anything much can be accomplished collaboratively in our kind of society. Sure, women flake in particular, but it's part of a wider trend also.

So far, and sad as it is to say, but my experience is "transactional relationships" have worked best in our time. Why? I guess because expectations are in line with what actually happens when money is involved. For example, if I go to the dance studio then I at least (in theory) get what I pay for. That hour of material will be covered, guaranteed. Unless literally no one shows up. That hasn't happened except for a few of the lesser attended classes.

This kind of thing is both a voluntary social organization and a business. Things can actually get done in that context. Getting people to commit to something creative outside of that context is a much riskier proposition nowadays. Social atomization is complete. And I'm not judging - we all put ourselves first.

It's just an interesting situation - without certain incentives nothing really gets done in this country and there's always some excuse (I'm married and have to spend time with the wife, I have work in the morning, I am too busy, etc). If money doesn't change hands, nobody is showing up. In some ways it's remarkable that the engine of commerce still runs with how lackadaisical everyone is about everything.

Truly images of a civilization in decline.

Dissident Sound 5mo ago

before addressing your post something i forgot to mention. ( i will address your post in a separate reply )

Alan Watt ( who is now dead ) of cuttingthroughthematrix.com once mentioned on his radio show that elites have studied this and found that a person can deal with at most 3 crises at the same time. any more than this and the person falls apart.

now imagine you're dealing with some crisis ( you can't pay the rent ) and you call your mother to borrow some money ...

this is NOT what happened, actually i fought with my mother because she asked me for an extension cable for her laptop but there was miscommunication about what kind of cable and i just remembered how dumb my mother is and how much i hate her and i lashed out at her and then seconds later i realized that actually she correctly described what she needed and it was me who mis-interpreted it and then i told her not to visit over the weekend and instead just spent the weekend in bed trying to figure out why i lost my shit over nothing and how i can make sure it doesn't happen again ... i will not share the conclusions of my introspective investigation LOL

but let's say you're calling your mother to borrow some money so you can pay rent, and then your mother starts talking about what kind of loser you are for being broke and that reminds you how much you hate your mother because you were neglected as a child etc ...

now suddenly in addition to the crisis of not having money to pay rent you're also dealing with an internal crisis where you hate your mother but are forced to listen to her shit ... now you're up to 2 crises out of 3 max ...

you accumulate enough of these internal unresolved issues and something could push you over the 3 max crises limit where you pick up an AR-15 and go shoot up a school ...

people put off money towards a rainy day and that's smart, but you also have to put off space in your mind for any kind of unexpected crisis.

i really felt the pinch when i was in Florida last year when it was still recovering from one hurricane while simultaneously preparing for the next and everything was out - no rental cars, no hotel rooms, no gas, no plane tickets and a hurricane about to hit the EXACT location where i was at head on, and my hotel informed me that i couldn't extend my stay because they were all booked so i had to leave while also not being able to leave at the same time ( no gas, no plane tickets etc. ) my realtor said i should go to one of the unfinished homes ( that aren't locked ) that we toured and stay there and added "and if you get arrested you will be safe in prison"

at that point i literally felt like this is it - i am in a situation without any exit - i am fucked - but i didn't break down and by some miracle was able to get gas ( i called like 20 different gas stations and one had gas and after standing in line for a while i got a full tank ). also after calling the rental company ( which previously said i can't leave the state ) they said that because of the hurricane they will waive the restriction and i was allowed to leave. so in the end everything worked out but there was a point where it felt like the walls were closing in. like i wasn't getting out of that situation. but again, i didn't break down and everything got fully resolved.

but now imagine a perfect storm of bad luck like this except you were already at the limit of your capacity to deal with shit because of all the unresolved internal conflicts, plus maybe you are with your cheating GF and her black kids - you're just going to beat them all to death then blow your brains out.

so the solution is to stay light. don't carry baggage. resolve internal conflicts by accepting difficult realities and end relationships that are weighing you down. if you aren't weighed down by shit in your daily life you have reserve capacity to deal extra-ordinary BS like a natural disaster or some medical nightmare etc.

i think this "stay light" principle can be applied to many things - from not accumulating literal stuff ( like my 3,000 SQ FT basement full of "stuff" that is like a boat anchor on my neck ), to not accumulating recurring expenses like car lease, mortgage etc. to staying out of toxic relationships, to not carrying around psychological trauma etc.

Dissident Sound 5mo ago

now as for your point about atomization and transactional relationships i think this is a double edged sword ...

( Part 1 - why Atomization is good akshully )

i actually didn't notice this while living in US but i did notice it when i CAME to US ( that everything is more transactional ) and my Grandma who was born in the 1920s has REALLY noticed it complained about it. so it's definitely happening, has been for a while, and is probably accelerating BUT it's not necessarily a bad thing ...

we all seen those videos of Amish people moving a barn. that is only possible in a tightly knit community but also such a community is only capable of doing things like moving a barn. they can't build an international space station.

network effects tell us that to achieve any particular goal ( like build a nuclear reactor or a space ship ) requires a network of a certain size. you can't have five guys building something like that. or 500 guys.

the Manhattan project ( subject of movie "Oppenheimer" ) which produced the first nuclear bomb according to google has involved 130,000 people at it's peak. you CAN NOT have over 100,000 people collaborating on the basis of being friends with each other or related by blood.

in fact the elites have determined that human brain can only have 150 people in your phone book so to speak. the kind of relationships our brains evolved for ( like the ones Amish still have ) only work in communities of 150 people or less. but as i said achieving the kinds of things humanity has been doing for the past 100 years requires collaboration of a much larger number of people.

so we developed all these systems of law and finance and professional ethics and so on that allow strangers who don't even like each other to collaborate on projects. i guess that's what the movie "Oppenheimer" is really about - the friction between people who are working on a common goal yet come from different backgrounds and and in many cases are jealous of each other or hate each other and are all also looking how to benefit personally even if at the expense of this larger goal or thousands of people dead and so on.

it's ugly but without this you have to be content with being able to build a barn and nothing fancier than that.

Dissident Sound 5mo ago

( Part 2 - why the real problem is not Atomization but Taxes )

the reason folks on the right fight against Atomization is because it ultimately cedes power to the state making us all slaves ... which is true. Strong communities like the Amish are largely independent from the state and that is why right-wingers are impressed by them. But as i said the Amish can only collaborate on a small scale.

the real problem isn't Atomization - it is taxation.

the power of the state comes from taxes. that is when you pay the government ( involuntarily ) to "help" you. so instead of paying your neighbor to teach your kids some basic math for example the government takes your money ( at gun point ) then hires some Tranny to teach your kids how to use butt plugs. or instead of paying some Shaman for snake oil the government ( at gun point ) takes your money then medicaid or medicare injects you with MRNA.

as wise people have noted the worst kind of tyranny is exercised for the benefit of the victim. you're getting robbed at gun point for your own good goy. it's all for your own protection - like the Mafia protection racket.

an ideal society would be 100% atomized allowing people to associate freely with anybody across the planet and collaborate on any project ( similar to how NOSTR developers collaborate ) but it would not involve any central authority collecting taxes or providing "services"

i rather enjoy the freedom of just being able to hop on a plane to California or Florida and feel equally at home there as i do in NJ because i don't have any friends or meaningful relationships in the real world so i can go anywhere and still be home as long as i have internet connection. to me that's a good thing, not a bad thing. there are pretty girls everywhere not just in your dance class and they are more interested in you when they haven't seen you before so the more free you are to move the more opportunities with girls you get, and if it doesn't work out you never have to see them again.

BUT ! sadly this kind of "freedom" ( currently ) comes at the expense of tyranny. your government is your family in other words - this is why right-wingers defend family - because family and government serve the same functions ( your insurance policy, protection, education etc. )

our real goal should be not to come back to the tyranny of the family ( Karl Marx explained that family is a slave institution in The Communist Manifesto ) but to get rid of government while MAINTAINING the atomization of individuals ...

this has never been achieved of course. Anarchy would be the word to describe it but it has never been made to work. Communism in theory was supposed to be what the Amish have ( and the Israelis have it in the form of "Kibbutz" ) but i do not want that.

i don't want family, community OR government. i want TRUE DECENTRALIZATION.

can it be done ? we can't say that it can't just because it never worked before because today with Internet, Surveillance, DNA testing and AI it is much easier to hold people accountable for their actions.

in the past only fear of G-d or fear of government could make people fall in line. in the future AI may become G-d where you can't do anything without AI knowing what you did.

the cascade of effects would be too far reaching for me to be able to predict what the final result will be.

Prince Aleph 5mo ago

This is a very interesting thread and I actually agree about the not being tied down part, the only trouble is that I am tied down now for reasons partially known to you and so I am just trying to make the best of it. There will likely be a time at some point when mobility is again possible.

It is interesting that your best shot with women is always early on because familiarity breeds contempt on both sides and women of today prefer to keep it casual. Hence I've found that it's rarely worth it to get to know women, but in the case of projects I'm involved in there's no real choice except dropping out which I don't want to do. Eventually despite your best efforts to stay anonymous, in any group setting you become a known commodity.

To clarify, I don't go to dance for the women - I go for the art. Most of the advanced dancers are in fact older women who are already married with the one exception of the instructor who is also a model (and likely juggling rich simps, judging from what she posts on social media). This is fine because I don't want to have to worry about emotional ties or sexual jealousy in this context.

Finding a girl who is:

-young/pretty

-a good dancer

-available (either just to practice or as FWB)

Is like finding a needle in a haystack. There was one at the beginning of the year but I missed my shot because she ended up working for another studio that's a bit too far away. It's right near where I used to live, but I'm on the other side of the metro now.

As for the other points, I will wait to respond since I'm actually getting a few things done today and I don't want to lose momentum by spending too much time online.

Dissident Sound 5mo ago

you're in Mid-West, right ?

Prince Aleph 5mo ago

Yes