Nostr Web Client

i am still so not caught up with my sleep, and i feel so fatigued all the time. i'm doing too much work, and i think what is happening is i'm burning out.

i'm not feeling bad, particularly, but i can feel it that my brain is not working properly. it's working well enough to get by, mostly, but i can also point to some very sluggish healing of small injuries i've sustained in the last three weeks.

i am going to have to put my foot down.

tomorrow, i'm going to just force myself to sleep and, and when i wake up, i'm not getting up except to eat and toilet. i'm not turning on my computer, and i'm not turning on my phone. the power in my room is going to stay off.

probably if i just finally catch up with my sleep, and am not waking up with sandpaper eyes, and just strictly enrforce that on the weekend, i don't use any devices, or even turn them on.

i don't feel like i'm running off the rails, particularly, but i can feel that i'm losing my grip.

so, in case anyone is wondering, i wanted to let you know why i'm incommunicado.

i gotta sleep.

i'm not fully here right now, and haven't been for maybe 2 weeks.

even though i have been writing so much, i'm in some kind of half-dream kinda state.

i'm over it.

feels like watching a slow motion train wreck.

the loco needs to be put in for service.

Reply to this note

Please Login to reply.

Discussion

Finrod Felagund 1mo ago

Go sleep mleku, you need it, the world will turn around the sun when you wake up !

Finrod Felagund 1mo ago

Said the guy who’s still up at 1AM

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1mo ago

https://youtu.be/n0l7iUkne_M

one of my favourite songs of all time, about depression

Finrod Felagund 1mo ago

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1mo ago

yeah, i love dark electro and futurepop... i need to make parties. i mean, at least, just dance. my housemate is decking out the lounge beautifully i'm going to get another one of these cheap but decent studio monitors to set up in there, and she even made a joke about a disco ball. yeah, i think we will need to get a disco ball too. espetada and doof. sounds like a plan.

Finrod Felagund 1mo ago

You’re making me miss house parties. Whatever happened to those ? It’s like they vanished.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1mo ago

yeah, i'm gonna have to reinstate this. my housemate currently, she will be heading back to the mainland for the peak season, and i might try to make this a place for a weekly stomp for interested local bitcoiners and nostriches, nothing big maybe 15-20 max. i may have to get more beefy system for that, something like the onkyo triple drivers i had briefly when i was in peak shitcoin dev pay grade days 2021, and harmon kardon 600W amp. omg those were sweet. no idea where to find this kind of 90s tech other than this sweet place in Sofia that specialises in solid state boom boom.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1mo ago

yeah, it would probably be something like this music, other times maybe like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSYSFTry56I

or this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3cp5-Cqens

or this

https://youtu.be/mhsKFqmLiP4

or this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Es7F0h1DKGs

or this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7fvUQi9huE

or this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5F15p-WNv4

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1mo ago

i bought traktor3 in 2008 and started learning how to mix with it.

i feel like i need to get a USB mixing console/sound device and traktor and a good set of JBL or Bose triple drivers

would be fun to also have some other people come and play their own mixes too.

when i get my stack together and i finally get my patch up the top of the mountain, i'll specifically try to find a natural amphitheatre where i could put a 10k 4 speaker and build a permanent dancefloor in a domed semiunderground area.

it would be epic.

Finrod Felagund 1mo ago

I love this. New gym playlist !

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1mo ago

yeah, this style of music deserves a lot more popularity. the psychological trauma/conflict stuff and the hard beats, it's very cathartic.

every so often i come back to this stuff and i'm listening to it and my eyes well up.

there is some rubbish in the genre but not much.

you'd probably also like funker vogt, front242, frontline assembly, skinny puppy, and kmfdm, my guess is you already know these earlier artists.

this video is iconic, also:

https://youtu.be/m1cRGVaJF7Y

7fqx 1mo ago

read books, paper books, a proper reading habit. before bed especially, that seems to rewire my brain a little bit

i really need to do this again

Telluride 1mo ago

I hear you brother. Digital interaction all day is no substitute for the other stuff.

Get outside after you sleep. Go dor a walk. Sounds cliche but morning sun on your eyes is surprisingly helpful. Make it a chore.

I used to walk a mile and half to my gym. My walk back was full sun. 9 years of that was 🤌

🧡👊🏻🍻

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 1mo ago

yeah, all of this i understand but in the depths of early stage T2 diabetes, exercise is torture. i'm mostly recovered now, at least, i can touch my toes, and i've just bought the pieces to assemble a pull-up bar so when there is a dry day again soon i'm putting that thing together and in the ground and gonna start doing some stuff on it. mainly pull-ups and hanging upside down to do abs. there's probably other good things i can do with it but that's what's on my mind.

i reinstalled the Golden Hour app on my phone, which i paid for the premium version, and i've set it to an alarm for sunrise so i can get outside first thing and get whatever light there is, spend at least 15 minutes. maybe ascend the path near my house and do a loop back around to the other side.

one of the things that is really important when you are trying to recover your health and fitness is to understand which things are the obstacles to the next stage. first thing i had to do was cut out the massive carb intake from mostly wine/beer/cider and potato chips. if i relapse there i will put on weight again, my muscles will start cramping again. i'm at this point now. i can do exercise easier, especially stretching, but the problem that seems to be next is resetting my circadian clock, which is the light thing.

Telluride 1mo ago

Getting fit is a miracle drug for wellbeing. Has nothing to do with body fat, yes losing that is nice, but if you do the former all the time, that happens too.

I realized this during covid. I didn’t go outside, stopped exercising, gained weight. Took me a long time to get back in shape. Was borderline depressed during a lot of that time.

Then i told myself, 30 min of exercise a day.

Period.

—Walk or whatever, just do something as though its your job.

🧡👊🏻☕️

Benking 1mo ago

Absolutely 🧡

Consistency is key, just like stacking sats daily, small actions compound into massive results ☀️

Lady Mae - Growth Teacher 1mo ago

oh no 🥺. Your health is more important and you don't owe us your explanation. And for that we appreciate you for letting us know. We will be here by the time you are well rested ☺️