Yeah, I have a slightly androgynous appearance ("gaming") and I look good without makeup on and with short hair, which is kind of a flex.
The problem arises that "never wear makeup" and "cut all your hair off" are permanent decisions. You can't get up in the morning and do something different.
Short hair is always short.
Bare face is always bare.
If you can create a very similar effect without going "all the way", that leaves you the option to occasionally surprise him by looking completely different.
I can wear short hair all day and then take it down and have it suddenly cascading down my back.
Or you are usually bare-faced, but you come down the stairs before a party and look a bit younger and fresher.
You always want to save some room for the WHOA! 👀 effect.
Audrey Hepburn was the queen of splitting this difference.
She became famous for her short hair and being almost boyishly adorable, but she actually only had short hair for a very short time. The rest of the time, she was just faking it and nobody noticed.
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If one is surrounded by a single option, the exact opposite is what will grab attention, perhaps its an adverse reaction but to be against the grain shows you're different thus attractive to those that have been dulled by a homogeneous trait across their community. A sort of pendulum effect - where a large swing in one direction indicates a likely equally large swing in the opposite direction to come after. Reactionary, and likely not sustainable but that is the overt perspective individuals can take - but overtness is often incongruent to truth for courting/romance.
- hypothesis: being averse/dullened to dominant trait in your community may relate evolutionarily to trying to keep the gene pool diverse
It's also just a sign of intelligence. High-IQ correlates to craving novelty.
A lot of the stuff I'm self-conscious about turns out to be what he finds most appealing because I'm the only one he sees with that trait and the other women simply bore him.
I don't think it's even necessarily that he thinks the one is better than the other, he just likes exotic, unusual things.
All really interesting ideas. I think it can be summarized as:
1) Novelty can implyl attractiveness. Signaling being open to novelty may be a hope to proxy being novel (hence the "never wear any makeup", "cut your hair short")
2) The process of romance elucidates that the overtness of being so far on the pendulum swing is not actually representative of reality. Referring to point 1 hints that its actually virtue signalling is an attempt to appear novel to the other party.
Yeah, point 1 is a really big deal.
You're showing a willingness to go-against-the-herd, even to your own detriment. It's a subconscious test.
But, after a couple of decades, you've long passed that test and now you risk being too boring.
Some guys claim that they don't mind that she looks boring, but that's a 🚩 for a husband who's prone to oggling the babysitter.
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This is important because all men like variety and you give him the thrill of having a different woman. Men feel like they're getting something new, even if you just change your hairdo or dress in an unusual style or walk and talk a different way.
Even if it's not what they like the most, it's different and exciting.
Meet the new wife.
Same as the old wife.
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