I think you might be too immersed in a certain type of culture to realize how hard it can be to understand for an outsider. I managed to find the web page(s?) that you are talking about, but I feel like I missed a lot of information and context.
I thought you were like, an adult dude, but the pages seem to imply you are a kid with weird gender identity problems. Is your mental illness that you are gay? Because if so I can only offer my condolances for your heavy burden; homosexuality is way worse than being a pedo or something.