Dude,

The lightning Network is not Bitcoin. It is a network for transferring smaller amounts of Bitcoin more efficiently.

I wouldn't consider a open dime to be Bitcoin either. It's just a vessel.

The various custody models involved as a different question. Ie;

Wallet of Satoshi vs Phoenix

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You're using semantics to support a flawed theory that there's some tangible thing called Bitcoin. It's all just ledger entries. The only thing you ever hold is your keys which allow you spend a UTXO, literally just changing a ledger entry for which a protocol exists and for which you need the keys to execute. So by your logic Bitcoin isn't real Bitcoin it's just a protocol and a network of nodes and miners.

I hold the keys so the have ownership of the UTXO, to my cold UTXOs, to my hot UTXOs, to the signed commitment transactions stored on Lightning nodes, to the UTXOs on my Lightning nodes.

It's all real Bitcoin regardless of the "vessel".

I'm on your side.