Appreciate the discussion.
Part of the reason I lean into the accidental is precisely *because* of today's world (feminism, gender hysteria, not knowing what a man or woman is, etc). The externals (accidentals) are therefore helpful to distinguish essentials.
But, as we have pointed out, there are ditches on both sides of the road, so I agree that we do not want to conflate externals and essentials lest we create characatures of male and female. To disparage the old or infirm as being *less masculine* is wrong, but there are things that are generally true of and normative for men and masculinity that will always vary by degree on the granular level of each man. Principles are still true even if for some guy or some demographic the particulars vary.
What you said about the importance of a man cultivating his strength is a good example. I encourage most men to work out under the framework that strengthening and disciplining the body is an important part of being a man. But gym time itself isn't the manly thing because there are guys who work in the trades that strengthen and discipline their bodies. The important things are strength and discipline (mental and physical fortitude) not necessarily the means of acquiring it.