I'm constantly scared because no matter what choice I make, it could be the wrong move.
She already hates me enough to want me to live in constant fear wondering if she's going to copycat her boyfriend's suicide.
If I ask you to help me get in touch with her, and it works, she could kill herself because she was trying to stop thinking about this and she can't handle being contacted and reminded to think about it again.
If I take everyone's advice and try to stop obsessing over her, I would feel unnatural and broken, and she could kill herself because she's actually watching all this and waiting for me to do this so she has permission to die.
I just keep trying to contribute enough to the world to make her proud of her impact on me, hoping that's the one choice that doesn't give her any reason to kill herself, but I'm too slow and this could all be a waste of time because her cancer could also come back and I'm missing years.
But right now I have recent evidence she's alive. She doesn't have that for the boyfriend she lost, so while I can't avoid the human instinct to try to receive sympathy, I really need to make people care about her, not me. That's got to be the least dangerous choice.