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Someone wrote a book that got really popular within the church called "I kissed dating goodbye", that talked about courting instead of dating.

I think this stupid idea is part of why so many Christian women are in their 30s or 40s and have barely dated, even though they wanna be married.

My husband dated basically the other way around. He'd go on one date with almost anyone, to learn and have fun and leave them better than he fund them.

Due to his many years of doing this practice, I asked him if he could write a chapter on it for our book, "How to prepare yourself for marriage", because I think it's going to help a lot of people to remove the lie that you can only go on a date with someone you already would consider marrying (courtship) and instead start going on single dates with people, to figure out what you like and what you don't like, until you meet someone who actually fits you, and you want them. You don't just want the feeling of someone liking you that you don't really know, but you know what you want, and can tell this person has it! And it's worth investing more time to find out if this is the person you'd like to spend the rest of time life with, actually!

If you're single and would like to learn great tools that will set you up, not only for dating, but for how to have an amazing marriage once you pick your spouse, consider getting our book, "How to prepare yourself for marriage,"

DM me if you want the pdf for 10 000 sats, or go through FikaTimeBooks.com if you want to pay in fiat for a different format. 😃

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ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 4mo ago

i had never heard of this idea before.

my understanding of psychology sees the point tho - don't take the date seriously, just "hm she seems nice, i wonder if her head is full of sand or if she's an angel, low key"

gonna use this in the future. the puzzle for me is the venue not so much as the "hey wanna have a nice meal and chat?"

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 4mo ago

it also reminds me that in many cases "dating" isn't even a formal thing. you are at a cafe and start a conversation with some person who looks interesting for some reason. you are at a party and talking to a friend and rando girl shows up and starts listening...

there is something obstructive about the thing like that meme of the "friend zone" where it stops you exploring and playing and makes it seem like some formal examination with high stakes

AnnSofiNovelist 4mo ago

I learned a lot by observing friends and people around me rather than dates. My husband was the first guy I didn't already know who ever asked me on a date. Technically a skype coffee date.

It told me it was casual, he knew I wasn't geographically close to him, and that it was for potential romantic reasons rather than just friendship. At the end of it he said, "I really enjoyed this, wanna do it again?"

He usually never asked someone for a 2nd one unless he actually wanted to know the person more.

We got married 68 days later because we'd gone through everything we could think of, and ran out of reasons not to get married! Others might wait 2 years and still don't know as much about each other as we did.

That's part of why I wrote the book. I wanted to give others a good example of how to be more intentional when dating, and looking for a spouse rather than just stumbling in the dark, trying to figure it out, and then get engaged where maybe they do premarital counseling and find out things about the other person they had no clue about, and then need to decide if they wanna stick with it or move on. But at that point, there's way more pressure cause family and friends are all expecting a wedding. That sounds awful to me. Better to figure things out sooner rather than later 😅

Anyway, yeah, dating can be tricky and a lot of people allow imagination and fantasy to get involved if they're asked on a real date.

I've seen women turn guys done because they couldn't imagine a future with him.

Or there's that whole game of dating. Like, you need to wait 3 days before you can reach out to ask for another one, or whatever. It leaves so much pressure and uncertainty. It's way better to be kind of blunt.

Like, I'm asking you on one date to get to know you better. I'll let you know at the end of it if I'm interested in more, or not. Feel free to do the same.

My husband was even explicit about NOT looking for friends, so if it didn't go well, he'd more on. As some women will want to be friends but not date some guys they find somewhat interesting.

By the way, thank you for the zap! Did you want the book or did you just find what I wrote really valuable?

Anon 4mo ago

The “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” author was a guy named Josh Harris. He’s an interesting fellow. He wrote that book in his twenties and, even as a young man, I remember thinking it was complete nonsense. He became a darling in Christian circles though. Youth groups everywhere were reading his garbage.

A few years back, he realized that the book, and his association with Christianity was costing his marketing business customers, particularly among the pervert crowd (LBQ whatever). So he went on an apology tour, embraced the perversions he once despised, divorced his wife, and then renounced not only his book, but Christianity as a whole. It got him a few headlines for maybe a week, but he never regained that fame he once had. He once again faded into obscurity never to be heard from again.

AnnSofiNovelist 4mo ago

Wow that's very interesting, and sad!

Rizful.com (zap tester) 4mo ago

We did some zap tests on this note… we made six attempts to⚡zap this note, at anon@anon.dev, over a period of 11 minutes. In each case, we found that your lightning address service or server did not respond correctly. If you wanted to fix this... you could try a free Rizful account -- https://rizful.com ... when u have it set up, pls reply here so we can do this ⚡zap test again.