A lot of parents canât handle hearing their child crying or in distress. Itâs the strangest thing that makes me cringe.
âNo you canât go outside right now.â
*Child screams
âOkay okayâ
Discussion
I think you misunderstand this entirely. In the case of my friend, and a lot of parents, if itâs not time to go, itâs not time to go.
Think of it this way: a young child will scream and cry no matter what. All day every day . If you can say things in a way that limit this, why would you have them cry 80% of the time when it could be 40% of the time?
I understand the logic to avoid the crying and screaming.
What Iâm saying is that kids cry more often when parents reinforce the crying. In other words, at some point the child learned that crying is more likely to get them what they want. That was taught to them by the parents. But if they donât get what they want, crying is less frequent. Iâve seen kids that donât cry when parents tell them no and the parents never walk on eggshells around them. My friendâs wife works with kids for a living and is really good at that. Her two year old is so fucking smart and never has any tantrums. Itâs actually really impressive.
I understand what you think youâre saying but removing one possibility of cries in the day wonât reinforce crying.
Letâs revisit this when you have your own children
The point mahdood is going for is: you do want to reinforce the idea that âcrying is not how you get what you want.â
Itâs a healthy notion for humans of any age.
I doubt babies know, but I think a 2 year old can start to understand it.
An 18-24 month old gets told no literally 50 times per day. One more time wonât change much in their development
Yea at that age theyâre trying to become more independent as they explore the world and what they can do. Theyâre experimenting what they can get away with. Itâs a fun but stressful stage for parents haha
Iâm very curious to hear you go through parenting one day
I love kids. I spend a lot of time with my nephews and nieces. Iâm their favorite uncle out of 7 total. They prefer me over the grandparents too. But I know having your own kids isnât the same. Itâs easier for me to say this is how it should be done when Iâm not sleep deprived and burnt out chasing them around all dayđ
Both parents get their 8h daily in this house đ«Ąđ
Nice! I think the most difficult period is when the newborn is constantly waking you up in the middle of the night. Would you agree? Thatâs the shit that will get me white hairs lol
No, the most difficult period is when theyâre old enough and big enough to knock you on your ass.
Hahaha man if you were a good parent youâll never have to worry about that
I think each couple is different. Waking up part was pretty straight forward. Get out of bed. Do the steps. Go back to sleep. I feel like around 2 for the first one was the hardest. Managing the tantrums, introducing discipline, agreeing on how to proceed with the other parent, setting the rules.
Lmao thank you for explaining that. I would have never understood that on my own
Youâre welcome đ€·đ»ââïž
But beyond that, I think itâs a perfect teachable moment for how to express your feelings and communicating what you actually want. Maybe you can even get into making deals with them. Its fun.
âHow many sats do I need to zap you for you to shut the fuck up?â
How are you feeling right now node? đ
Lmao this is not even a story about me. Yet you want to give me a lesson in parenting. Very interesting. Also doesnât get sarcasm
Itâs funny you think someone is trying to give you a lesson. đ this whole time I thought we were discussing kids.
Not exactly. You came into the discussion trying to explain to me what Mahdood is saying. I donât need a translator. If I donât understand something I ask. I understood his point. I was making mine
I was making my own also, but it sounds like you have some nostr etiquette youâre trying to communicate?
What are you talking about with nostr etiquette?
You literally said : â the point Mahdood is trying to make isâ, in response to my note. You were literally explaining to me what Mahdood was saying, as if I didnât understand it myself
So you feel like I was patronizing you when I said that. I can see why you feel that way. But I really wasnât đ€·đ»ââïž
Yes thank you. My friendâs wife does that very well, itâs impressive. She waits for her son to stop crying and then she gives him what he wants after he asks for it using his words. I donât like saying this but itâs kind of like teaching a dog. You want to reward the good behaviors and ignore the bad or block the bad behaviors. My psych professor when I was doing my undergrad told me that lol. Kids are kind of blank slates. They donât know what works and what doesnât so they try different things. Crying tugs on our heartstrings so it gets the job done most of the time. But why is it that some children cry while others scream? Why is that some kids will hit themselves on the head to get what they want? The kid that hits himself learned that this gets me what I want because crying and screaming doesnât work anymore. But these are all learned behaviors reinforced by parents is my point.