Just design in a way to show which relays didn’t delete. Inform the user. Let the user decide if they wish to continue publishing to those relays. No shaming necessary.
Discussion
Those relays can pull their content in anyway.
There is also no definitive way to check a deletion without breaking any scheme that runs deletions every say 15 minutes.
Can we just call it a “withdraw”?
You are withdrawing your post, relays can decide to delete it and clients may decide to not show it or show a notice.
the old school word in distributed systems is "tombstone"
you have declared the event DED
i was inspired to write a short issue to add a few SHOULDs to the nip-09 spec :) just to try and mitigate the questions about the semantics such as the discussion of recent days
Maybe. If people understand what it means.