Those relays can pull their content in anyway.

There is also no definitive way to check a deletion without breaking any scheme that runs deletions every say 15 minutes.

Can we just call it a “withdraw”?

You are withdrawing your post, relays can decide to delete it and clients may decide to not show it or show a notice.

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the old school word in distributed systems is "tombstone"

you have declared the event DED

i was inspired to write a short issue to add a few SHOULDs to the nip-09 spec :) just to try and mitigate the questions about the semantics such as the discussion of recent days

Maybe. If people understand what it means.