we never have to cheer up in a world of loss, grief, heartbreak, genocide
we really never ever ever have to force a smile or pretend to be ok
pretending to be ok is really alienating
& too much alienation can be fatal, eventually, to the spirit & sense of self
the family still here
carrying the ones we lost
making space for the ones coming up
from the earth
never gotta smile about it
smiling never ever required
no one minds or thinks it is weird to cry about really sad painful awful shit
would never not for a
moment say it was worth it
doesnt have to be worth it
to simply need doing
it's a weird question isnt it
worth it
like, imagine i had a five year old with me one day & 3 goats were there & it was sunset & a neighbor, on some weird strange tip for sure cos wtf, was like: so gil, was your mom dying worth it for this moment watching the sunset while the kid is in the field playing with the goats?