hey NOSTR, how do you emotionally handle being betrayed/conned by a really close family member? and not being able to share specifics with anyone else due to legal reasons?
struggling with this right now.
Discussion
Betrayal is one of the hardest of experiences to manage. Often it leads to anger and then resentment.
Sadly, resentment is the glue of fear
In my experience, the best way forward is to release all resentment to source
All the people involved, the situation itself, your own actions, just release it all
Good luck
Easier said than done
Draw a firm boundary with them; tell them to fuck off etc. then have no further engagement.
Insulate yourself from their behavior and access to you.
Handle your emotions privately / with a professional if needed.
It's a reflection of them not you.
No response does not signal weakness.
Consider forgiving them on your terms after they make a sincere apology.
I've been through similar with someone, the anxiety and stress associated with the situation was very difficult.
Do you have a close one to talk to? That’s how I’d need to deal with it. Talk it through with another human being you trust.
Do you have anyone to confide in? If not, a therapist would work. You can also try journaling your thoughts, writing a letter to this family member (that you don't send), but to get your thoughts out. Sorry fren 🫂
Tell them about the sign outside that reads "No fucking off past this point". Tell them to go up to that sign and be all they can be and just keep on going.
Tell them about the sign outside that reads "No fucking off past this point". Tell them to go up to that sign and be all they can be and just keep on going.
You'll really need to focus on self. How does going through this make you a better person? More resilient? More skilled at spotting the untrustworthy? All of the skills you'll learn from this thread and other places?
If you truly love yourself you realize that even your mistakes were part of building that self. I'm not being a dirty self esteem hippy here. You will need to grow from this in order to be a self you can truly love. All of that hard work is on you. You cannot just sit back and simply declare yourself deserving of love that you didn't earn through hard work.
Treat others like the weather. You can't control them but you can prepare for their expected behavior. It isn't the snows fault you are stuck in a ditch in sandals. You chose to drive around on cheap bald tires in winter without boots available. Every mistake is a chance to refine your weather checking habits and reflect on your preparation. Bringing emotion into that process is only a distraction.
Also keep in mind that emotionless allegation against stoics is false. The OG stoics felt free to let their emotions fly. They were only deliberate to express them in non self harming ways and to let them go once they were no longer helpful. Scream, wail, cry whatever it takes. If you need to hit something find a punching bag not your wife, kids, or wall.
Do all of that and in time you will let go of the frustration with them and with yourself for trusting them naturally. All that remains is the patience to know it won't be tomorrow and there will be ups and downs along the path.
Dang, sounds horrible. Sorry you going through that Julian.
Sorry about that, bro!
GOOD MORNING 🤙🌞
I’m going through a similar thing with people i am in business with. It sucks. Not sure what to do either, but in my mind I’m making peace with all outcomes. Im ready for the worst possible financial outcome, and loss of old friendships. But, My conscience is clear, and I sleep well at night. Head down, focusing on my craft and family. Keep on keeping on bother, this too shall pass.
Be future oriented. What’s done is done and you can’t change it. Consider this experience the price that needed to be paid for an important lesson. What matters is now is protecting yourself from future betrayals. Vet everyone carefully including family. Blood doesn’t mean shit.
My strategy for a very very roughly similar situation, cut them off entirely and try to just live your life
In my experience, I spent a very long time processing it. There is no answer that does not come from within.
You’re not crazy.
You’re not weak.
You’re not alone.
Feel what you feel. Protect your peace. Say no. Rest. Breathe.
You don’t owe anyone access to your heart just because they share your blood.
This isn’t the end of your story.
thanks for all the kind advice guys. turning a page on this finally.
for others in a similar boat now or in the future, things that have helped me process betrayal/anger:
1) the serenity prayer, observed twice daily
2) cold showers
3) 5km runs listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd - Street Survivors
4) DMT
5) friends who can keep a secret and don’t give a fuck about the law
nostr:nevent1qqstj8uavzsrcfwz3dwy96qupt5e7p3xkmnmydxj6c8jp6guxq6788cppemhxue69uh5qmn0wvhxcmmvem9q0m
Dealt with this regarding a close relative via marriage. Left no choice but to cut them out of our lives. Absolutely crucial move.