Or perhaps it is merely a failure to modify one's own expectations. If I fully expect and accept hardship as part of my present, it becomes nothing more than what is, to be experienced without false comparisons to what might otherwise be.
Discussion
That is easy to say, in practice, when someone has been dealt a lot of hardship or a lot of suffering.. much different I think. You sound like you have arrived at surrender, which is great, but that is a long path for most. Telling someone they have failed with their expectations because they are struggling with the loss of a loved one or dealing with a very traumatic situation is not going to go over well for most people. I’d much rather frame it that what feels like ruin now, may eventually.. over time… be the thing that sets you free.
I agree with you, different words may be more kind when dealing with death or trauma. The key to moving through those times is still some form of acceptance.