You recognized your lapse in judgement and you’re not letting yourself off the hook.
That’s the hardest part.
Gotta keep going, dude. You’re closer to the finish of that nicstick than the start of it. Get a reward for all of the mental bandwidth you’ve devoted to quitting. Don’t give up!!!!!!
That is the one thing. My awareness is so much stronger now. I think that’s a good sign and my intention is real like I really want this
Way back in college I took a class called Health Psychology. There is something called the “transtheoretical model of change”. You’re currently taking action, which is always a messy process. But you’re 100% right, you’re well beyond the contemplative steps. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can just promise you that if you keep showing up everyday and trying, sooner or later none of your bandwidth will be devoted to the cravings as they will dissipate. And the monkey will be off your back and you will feel a profound sense of freedom as you no longer require exogenous substances to feel “whole”. You got it dude. 
Damn I think I remember seeing this model in my undergrad behavioral psych class and completely forgot about it. Thanks for the motivation 🫂
