how do we know we're getting the real Nostr?

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Good question. I think the “real nostr” is probably different for everyone. Largely comes down to what client you use and what relays you select.

Most of the most popular clients (Damus, Amethyst, Snort, Coracle, Iris, etc) read directly from relays (no intermediate cache service). This is the most “pure” nostr experience.

Exactly. So many people are missing the point today.