This is a hard one and exactly why I don’t recommend running nostr relays on start9 OS.
In order to write that that kind of relay, you have to use a tor vpn (which are extremely slow) and I don’t recommend it.
Here is a video I made about running your own #haven nostr relay with a virtual machine.
If you don’t want to do a virtual machine, I would recommend a computer like raspberry pi for a personal relay so that the data is segregated.