Replying to Avatar Subema

Two little demons on this side, but it gets better over time (at a scarily fast rate even).

We still have movie nights and try to do board game evenings, but everything depends on opportunity. Proper dates—with the right headspace and planning—rarely happen.

The need list is definitely a useful tool, though I have reservations. My needs are relatively "simple," while speaking her love language requires significant energy from her (which she still manages with courage). So while my needs aren't overlooked, they often aren't fully satisfied either. When I try expressing this, it's usually misunderstood—either she thinks what she's done isn't good (contrary, the quality is great, it's just the quantity...) or she feels she's not good enough for me. Not a good feeling to cause. So I do as I am expected from society. Suck it up, move forward. I am more bothered by me not being bothered about having this mindset than the actual sucking up part. Sorry for writing too much again. 😅

Anyway, it's true we haven't been on a "proper" date night for a while. Should fix that. Thanks for reminding.
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purrs_for_Her 8mo ago

i think that mindset is something that comes with being a father lol

it wasn't until then that i started to realize that i had been using my "submissiveness" mostly as a conduit for receiving instead of something that primarily supports and fulfills Her. as a mom, She needs extra support because She is giving more of Herself.

now i do my best to focus on fulfilling Her needs and the relationship's needs instead of considering my own. i put my trust in Her and that reduces noise and clears space in the relationship. but i have to clarify, my "needs" and the relationship's needs are not the same thing. the health of the relationship determines how we interact, so that's why i think a date night is so important ^^

thanks for sharing so much with me, fren~! :3

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