Even with a VPN, you are revealing your IP to your VPN provider.

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So, you post to their relays they propagate your notes out from there?

Yes.

That's why I find it frustrating that some clients have relays hardcoded. I'm forced to write to relays.

Even with tor your revealing your IP to an entry node. Correct, the cycle does not end. No one can send you mail without knowing your home address. You could argue post office boxes, but that requires physical isolation, in that case find a place with free wifi to connect to I suppose.

Best bet so far is to run your own relay and strip the forwarding data.

I suppose to include here, you are often nost just trusting the relay hoster, but often CloudFlare for observing your plaintext traffic, IPs, and so on, or whatever datacenter/hosting provider the relay owner is using as well. I can't imagine most relay owners are hosting their relays from their home networks.

These are often American or European companies, and therefore less likely to be a threat to me, personally, than individual nutjobs.

Pick your poison.

I think mobile internet NAT stands the best scrutiny here. Probably a majority of users anyway.