Putting this out there to try and get some help. I have amethyst and primal, and some messages come through on one and not the other and vice versa. I went through and updated so both of them had the same relays because I thought that could be a problem. It did not solve anything. Does anybody have any ideas or solutions.

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I have the same problem. I post on Primal, but have to switch to Amethyst to see my post listed.

Mine seems to be more with Private Messages and # of followers

Your # of followers will always be unstable. It's probably better to just accept having a general idea.

In amethyst, you can add two relays to your dm inbox section, one that supports nip4 and one that supports nip17. (nos.lol & inbox.nostr.wine for example). You should recieve most of your messages that way & amethyst will automatically send your reply through whatever method the sender used. If you're the initiator, you may want to ask the recipient how they recieve messages. The incognito man is the action button to activate nip17. It might be best to depend on one client for dms until most support the same spec. Oxchat is great for messages too.

Messages as in DMs?

If so, its likely because folks are messaging you using different DM specs. There are two different DM specs that various clients are currently using.

The first is found in NIP-04, and clients SHOULD be deprecating this standard, since it leaks quite a bit of metadata about who is messaging who for all to see. Primal currently still only uses this DM spec, and therefore you will only see NIP-04 DMs on Primal.

The other DM spec is found in NIP-17, and it leaks significantly less metadata. It's not perfect, and another solution is in the works, but it is the best we have available right now. Amethyst and some other clients like Coracle and 0xChat support this DM spec. I would not be surprised if Amethyst has fully deprecated the old NIP-04 spec, which would explain why you are not receiving those DMs on Amethyst.

yes it is DMs, thanks for the info, makes sense.