I haven’t been on a dating app in years, but from what I remember, I sipe left when:
1. Profile says “I live life to the fullest” or comes from “school of hard knocks.” I think 1/3 profiles I’ve seen have that verbiage. It’s like, “Dam 🦫, they’re all living it up and go to the same school?” 😂
2. I can’t see their eyes in any picture.
3. They’ve taken a picture with a tiger. Again, like 1/3 profiles I’ve seen have that. Maybe the same tiger. 🤷🏻♀️
Aww man you're cracking me up. They all went to the school of "look at me, I'm so great!"
"Maybe the same tiger." 🤣🤣
In 2007 I decided I would apply my brain to dating, rather than just going after the shinyest object.
I wrote down two lists of requirements, none of them unreasonable or rare, jist rare in combination. One list was of dealbreakers, thats usually the easiest. The second list was a list of requirements.
As soon as I had that list "swiping left" became very very easy. Its easy to spot certain personalities once youve weeded out the "hot messes".
My list of dealbreakers was things like:
1. Has a cat
2. Doesent know how to keep a clean house
3. Tattoos or piercings
4. Divorced or has kids
5. Goes "clubbing" or "nights out with the girls"
6. Talks about mental disorders or has been raped or abused
7. Goes to leftist political demonstrations or supports gay rights or radical feminist causes
... my list today would probably be a mile long, but at the time it was less than 20.
They may seem harsh and "out of their control" but its also not fair to yourself to take on other people's problems. When you do that person will make them your problems and next thing you know you're homeless, suicidal and falsely accused of something. Inviting another person into your life, no matter how 'innocent' they seem carries with them the power of the state and the meaning of "justice is blind" can also mean blind to reality.
The next list were the "mininum requirements", things that are indicators of someone that shares your values, such as:
1) christian
2) values education
3) values money (never says stupid virtue signaling lies like "I dont care about money")
3) can be reasoned with
4) has hobbies like sports, reading, sewing, etc (not necessarily your hobbies)
5) wants children
6) is comfortable around your parents and immediate family
Etc.
These things are qualities that make it more likely the person will not be needy or resist your life goals.
Identifying what you want and dont want is not easy, its not easy to draw a line in the sand and say "Im not going to be stupid about love." But if you do, you will have more control over your future.
We have been married 14 years, have 7 children, and every day is better than the last.
#grownostr
I agree with having deal breakers and requirements.
I personally found your lists harsh because I check off many on the deal breaker and missing some on the requirements. But I know my lists would be harsh to many as well.
We all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences that make us want to have or avoid certain things though those won't be absolute. There are exceptions but it's safer to just not deal with certain things, eg. I'm okay with "divorced" but not "with children".
Actually, I have taken the opposite approach since my deal breaker and requirements lists did not accurately access a person because some things just don't connect directly to how a person is. I have actually become more open-minded about not using hard rules but to get to know a person.
My goal is not just to simply finding "the one", but to understand, experience and connect with other human beings.
