I will not date a woman unless she:

* Weighs exactly 121.3lbs

* Has perfect C cup breasts and nipples that are dark pink NOT BROWN but not too light pink, you know?

* Has never shown her breasts to ANYONE

* Is an ideal mother. Like, she has to have birthing hips that babies just slide right of with no resistance

* Has a tight vagina

* Laughs at all of my jokes but never any jokes told by my male friends, or her male co-workers, or her male friends, or male comedians.

* Has no male friends

* Has never had a conversation with another male

* Is willing to fuck me on the first date

* Only reads the Bible and Anime

* Cries only while Jordan Peterson is crying

I am now taking applications.