I use NIP-17 DMs daily in multiple clients (Amethyst, 0xChat, and Chachi) and work pretty well. Sounds like a client issue.

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Always a client support issue 😔

Kind of a UX nightmare tbh.

Yes, if you use a client that does not support proper DMs you'll have terrible UX. I highly recommend 0xChat for that, it's available in every platform and is the most advanced nostr chat/dm app.

Are you supposed to periodically open it to see if people dmed you?

No, you can enable push notifications. Give it a try.

That's how I use Telegram. Do you want to get a notification for every person who DMs you?

Only have notifications for wife/family, the rest can wait

From followers or none