Source?
Discussion
Epictetus, 1900 years ago.
"If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation. Which is why it is essential that we not respond impulsively to impressions; take a moment before reacting, and you will find it easier to maintain control."
Complicity means offense is given and taken.
I think I understand what you're getting at, but it sounds like you're saying that there's no emotional context to language, or that it's effect is entirely conscious.
It's impossible to give something no one will take or accept. You can take offense without the other party meaning to give it, but you cannot give it without the other party taking it.