Why do we need to be able to receive zaps this instant?

Just wait, and can use federated LN address tools like satdress to receive tips in the meantime.

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Why now? Because it's fun! I have USD in a bank account because a small portion of my money is used for low time preference activities.

It's. Fine.

"federated LN tools like satadress"

IDK about this. If you used your platform to talk about SOLUTIONS like this, that would be AWESOME! Could you tell us more about satadress? Maybe include info about satadress in all your future anti custodial posts?

Edit: High time preference

I do talk about these solutions all the time, and in this very thread linked out to entirely self-sovereign solutions.

Will add to it for these easier onboarding tools.

"In this very thread"

We must have a relay mismatch because I'm not seeing that.

When bashing custodial solutions, an alternative (that can handle zaps) should be front and center in the discussion. Otherwise the complaints are sound and fury signifying nothing.