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hey you :)

I'm not good at greeting people. when I was nine years old I was at a gymnastics competition and I had to greet the judges, but I skipped this part and was disqualified.

I was always afraid of meeting people I knew in the street because I would have to say hi. when I see you saying gm, ga, gn it triggers me somehow and I have no idea why I'm so afraid of saying hello.

I saw you saying those things and it was strange, but it also made me think about cycles and communities and kindness. I love people and I love talking to people and I think it's beautiful that we have this rituals of encountering and going away. that's the way I've been seeing this, but it still feels awkward to greet. I guess I had to find my own way to honor the presence of people. I tried in this post, but I don't feel it is that. 🤷🏽‍♀️ do you have any tips? 😬

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Discussion

purrs_for_Her 1y ago

no tips.

just letting you know that i struggle too. <333

but it's okay. :3

pollyanna 1y ago

thank you. I felt hugged! 🌻

purrs_for_Her 1y ago

yw :3

The Beave 1y ago

I'm very good at it. So good that sometimes, people just come up and start talking to me.

1. Be authentic.

2. Eye contact. (This is trainable.)

3. Short and sweet. (say hi, ask, genuinely, how they are, then STFU and let them talk.)

pollyanna 1y ago

thank you so much! I think I do most of what you said, except for the saying hi part.

when I read your comment I felt like I was wasting your time writing in a confusing way and you came and wrote me this kind and attentive tip.

and now that gives me a tip of why it's so hard for me to say hi. I feel like I'm invading people's space and taking their time. if I don't say hi, it's like I'm throwing words or my presence to the wind so people don't feel they have to engage with me, only if they really want to.

I have a question for you ahaha what does it mean when you react with 🤔? 😬

The Beave 1y ago

You're welcome!

What's the absolute worst that's likely to happen if someone REALLY doesn't want to engage with you? They might make a rude comment and move on with their life. Right? So... Just start saying hi to more people. I do it when I'm on my walks after dinner. Sometimes it's just a friendly nod to people if they have headphones on or a quick hi if they are jogging past.

I didn't think you were wasting my time or that it was a confusing note.

The feeling of invading people's space is usually a good thing. That means you are conscious of others and don't wish to infringe on their space. But... Being overly conscious of that also makes things awkward, especially for you. Nearly no one will mind someone saying hello to them, especially if it's from a friendly source with a smile and a modicum of attention. Small amounts of genuine engagement are really all you need to spark something more from people, since there's honestly a dearth of that in most modern society. If you want to engage with people, do so. It takes practice. It's OK to fail. I even do at times. 🤷‍♂️ It's really not a big deal.

I'm chuckling since you're the second person to ask me that very question. It's mostly an acknowledgement that I've read your note and have given it at least a bit of thought.

pollyanna 1y ago

thank you for your kindness (and I won't forget about this).

I think this whole time I was overthinking and maybe it is simpler than I thought. I'll observe the next time I go outside.

today my sister sent me an okra recipe haha it reminded me of you. it was the first food my daughter ate and she loved it.

now I understand what the reaction is about. I used to think you were in doubt about the note, since the first time you reacted like this. I think in an answer to sgt fish haha it leaves a mark.

good night, beave! thanks for everything. :)

The Beave 1y ago

If it was of some help, it is my pleasure!

Yes, you are making it too complicated. Besides, a woman can "get away with" more, even in this day and age, so, go and have some awkward fun trying new things out.

Okra. Ugh. UGH!! 🤢

Nope. Not doubt at all. That would be more like this: 🙄🤨😐😮‍💨

I'm fairly consistent. I get accused of being boring at times.

Goodnight. Rest well. Again, you're welcome. ❤️ 🌃🫂

Yarnlady 🧶 1y ago

Introverts unite! I try to engage on here as much as I can when I see something that sparks a feeling. Worst case, it gets lost in the shuffle, best case you chat back and forth a bit. In person, I try to just say "good morning" or a "hey, how's it going" when out walking. Good practice is talking to the cashier at the grocery, neither of you have anything else to do 😂. The price of groceries is always an easy topic, or the weather. Just like anything else, practice makes it easier. All that said, I'm painfully shy when in a group. It is sooooo hard 🫂

pollyanna 1y ago

yes. that's it. ♥️ I used to walk looking at kids and women and smiling at them, but when I saw someone I knew it was always hard.

now I almost never walk outside and when I do I'm always watching my kids. but it is kind of a struggle. when I read what you said I remembered that going outside with them could be so nice, we could smile at people together. I should just breathe and not worry that much ahhaaha

looking at this with you here it sounds easier.

Ananda Guesthouse 1y ago

You are not the same person as you were at 9. No need to sustain that habit. No expectations. If not a hi at least smile. And never forget that smiling is giving your heart a hug. No words required. If someone say GM then smile back. ♥️ ♾️

pollyanna 1y ago

that's perfect ♥️ after I posted that my experience going outside was so different! thank you for your kindness