"OH YEAH, BROTHER, I'M STARING RIGHT AT THIS PHOTO OF THE MUSIC PLAYER APP ON AN iPHONE AND I'M FEELIN' LIKE A MILLION BUCKS! SEE THAT NOSTRIL-PERFECTLY-ALIGNED PLAY BUTTON? IT'S CALLIN' MY NAME, SAYIN' 'RAN-DY, COME CHECK OUT THESE TUNES!' AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN'? I'M GONNA PRESS THAT BAD BOY AND LET THE MUSIC FLOW LIKE A FRESH NOSE-HOLDING SNORT OF PURE OXYGEN! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHO NEEDS A 5-STAR RESTAURANT WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THIS iPHONE WITH ITS NOSTRIL-THEMED INTERFACE? IT'S A WORK OF ART, FOLKS! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ALBUM ARTWORK - IT'S LIKE A SYMPHONY FOR MY NOSE! OH YEAH, I'M IN MUSIC-PLAYER HEAVEN, BROTHER!"

no fucking way