the level of catastrophe warrants it.
& if you dont think so
that's ok
i simply know you havent lost a loved one & i hope when you do, cos we all do, you are surrounded by gentle loving arms you trust.
sharing why
to share this: 
Discussion
~now~
this is grief madness
grief psychosis
like falling down a water well & braced at the bottom mere inches above the inkspill waterline
where you fell from? so high above you, unreachable? only source of light? up up the tunnel of slimey cold stone holding the earth back from imminent collapse onto you? the moon or might as well be
as reachable as
cos we, the privileged, outside the immediate event horizon of what it is to have your feet in gaza, your throat caught on olive tree branches, your knuckles sore & ripped from moving rubble
we? we know that needle is moving & has been
an immense amount of effort, from each & every one of us who are alive all around this world is holding that needle from slipping further. insisting that needle move up up onto better ground, out of the red, the carnage, the children's war
people who have set themselves on fire in protest of where that needle was
wrote poems til they were assassinated about that needle
reported the news as their family was murdered, as they buried their family, as they struggled to sew stellate wounds by phone light in bombed hospitals
the vastness of the unacceptable
makes it seem as if what is
cant possibly be
that it must be a translation error
makes it seem like
if only if only they knew
if only i could tell them i could show them how unacceptable to me personally this loss this one loss even i will pick just one they would rewrite the laws of the universe about it
surely they would
they would have to
that they havent
means there is an error somewhere
a gap they arent grasping
i dont know who they is
but i know in grief a they exists
a someone at least a someone
maybe everyone who doesnt get it
who if they got it
wouldnt be like this in my proximity
use your executive perks to rewrite time
do not touch me
& at the very same time, i think with this knife you can unzip a part of me, dont worry the hurt will be a welcome distraction, cos im pretty sure i need someone to manually pump my heart for now. do you cover executive function as well or just time travel?
what do you mean you have to touch me to manually pump my heart. no. dont touch me. yes your hand inside my chest cavity you need to do it.
all of this is too much to fall under the purview of grief
like there needs to be 47 words to even begin to touch the different kinds, how they change over the course of a day, intensify, recede, like tides
the grief of: the first time i almost forgot for a fraction of a second how unacceptable the missing shape of you that touches every part of me even is
the first time i got so habituated to this that this just feels normal right? ive never not felt this way im pretty sure?