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As someone who spent 4 years as a stay at home Mom, it really irks me when people imply that women get a financial gain from divorce. They don’t, they get their half of their money.

When I put my career on hold, and moved to the middle of no where, and risked my life to birth two children, and organized my life around caring for those children day and night without any real help, I was doing so under the understanding that me and my husband were partners.

Were me and my husband to have gotten a divorce during the time that I was a stay at home Mom, I would not have been taking his money, I would have been taking my money. Money that I earned. That's how partnership works. It's not his money or her money it's their money. If/when they part ways, they split their money.

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Discussion

DOUG WILSON 9mo ago

I dont understand the general appeal of divorce in many situations. There really aren't many benefits and as you have nicely put, the joy and work of childcare suffers worse when money and time is split

HannahMR 9mo ago

If two people can't have a healthy relationship then they need to divorce. Providing an example of an unhealthy relationship for your children is worse than them splitting their time between two healthy households.

purrs_for_Her 9mo ago

maybe i'm a little bit extreme in my thinking, but i consider all of my income to be my Wife's since She took the biggest risk. i think this used to be common in some parts of japanese society.

HannahMR 9mo ago

are you two not equal partners?

purrs_for_Her 9mo ago

equal, no

partners, yes

it's based on trust—She trusts me provide as best i can and i trust Her decisions.

HannahMR 9mo ago

Well you know I don't find that healthy.

If one partner is not make decisions I think both people are complicit in restraining the development of that person.

purrs_for_Her 9mo ago

oh i understand.

it's not like i have no say in decisions, but She is typically the final decision-maker. i trust and support Her vision for the relationship and home. and this provides me plenty of responsibilities, including making decisions.

but i think my point is similar to yours in that She made a bit of a sacrifice to stay home with our child. not just in Her current income, but also future earning potential. whereas mine has increased significantly.

i view Her sacrifice as worth more than 50%. i think it's more than 100%. 10,000% if it were possible. :3

that's my commitment <3