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you're right, I haven't been called Nazi recently.

but every day I see on the Internet people I don't even know telling that people like me are monsters, telling us we're not what we tell we are ; all this even though I never recognized myself in the identity I've been given at birth, even though I hate myself because I don't look like I'd like to be, and because even if I'd be happy with my appearance, other random people could just tell I'm a monster to shatter all this light confidence I managed to build to try to be happy.

Celata 2y ago

I am not telling you that you are a monster.

Not liking yourself as you are is something that you can work on, and more positively than pretending to be something that you are not. Through counselling or through #stoicism you can learn to come to terms with yourself. This is the healthy outcome. Creating a fantasy version of yourself and then claiming that you are that thing because you "self-identify" as it is not healthy, it is a delusion, just like people going around claiming to be Jesus.

Nobody "gave you an identity at birth" - your sex was determined by the chromosomes in your DNA when you were conceived, and observed at birth. Your sex, just like your age or your race, is inherently part of your identity and important to determine the kinds of medical conditions that may affect you among many other things.

I would encourage you to find confidence in your actual lived reality rather than trying to live a lie, that is the only way you will truly find happiness as you will always know deep down when you are deluding yourself. That doesn't mean you shouldn't wear dresses if you want to - wear whatever you want, but don't try to claim that it changes what you are.

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Discussion

ΛJΛXX / Sam 2y ago

And please stop using sex and gender as if these 2 terms meant the same thing.

WE KNOW we'll never be biological women, but gender is a social construct ffs

ΛJΛXX / Sam 2y ago

Of course I can wear dresses if I want, but I really feel like I would better explore my feminity and masculinity if I had a feminine body to start.

Celata 2y ago

If gender is a social construct, then different people can have different opinions on whether it is a social construct, which can be debated, correct?

And if by gender you actually mean "stereotypes of the roles and behaviors of people of different sexes in society" then the words "woman" and "man" are not defined in terms of those stereotypes, so cannot simply be claimed by changing your role or behavior or simply declaring it to be so. They are defined in terms of biological sex.

ΛJΛXX / Sam 2y ago

I don't think about stereotypes at all.

I just see gender as a spectrum so wide that allow anyone to be how they feel on this spectrum, it's a whole diversity

Celata 2y ago

You can define "gender" as whatever you want it to be, but it is meaningless and irrelevant if anyone can be anything they want. But you didn't engage with the point I made, that the words "woman" and "man" are not defined in terms of "gender", they are defined in terms of sex, female or male.

Sex is not a spectrum, it's a simple binary that everyone learns in school. This is a very simple explanation of why it is a binary not a spectrum :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1qyZknn5Q0&t=368s

ΛJΛXX / Sam 2y ago

That's entirely the point : gender is a social construct, it's just a part of a person's identity, allowing it to be what we want.

If you want to keep your gender aligned to your sex, it's fine. If you want your gender to be something else, it's fine too. People choosing their gender doesn't affect your life, so why do you care?

Sex (or genitals) is indeed a biological reality, but its only importance is for when you want to have kids, else we don't give a damn about what's in people's pants.

ΛJΛXX / Sam 2y ago

This is the important part of my point : we don't force anything to anybody, we just want to be able to express ourselves freely. It doesn't change anything for anybody else, so why is it so much important?

Celata 2y ago

Unfortunately this is not true. Claiming to be something that you are not DOES change things for other people as I have explained several times to you with examples.

If you could just express yourself without colonizing other people's space, nobody would have any problem with that. The only reason there is conflict here is because you (or trans rights activists in general) are crossing a line into territory that already belongs to someone else.

Celata 2y ago

"gender is a social construct, it's just a part of a person's identity, allowing it to be what we want"

You misunderstand what identity is. Your identity is not what you feel about yourself or how you think about yourself inside your own head. Look at your identity card. It lists the important details about you that OTHER people use to distinguish you from anyone else: your date of birth, your place of birth, your sex, your name. Inside your head you don't need a name, you're the only person in there. Your date of birth is irrelevant inside your head. Your identity is what other people agree on to say that you are this person and not that person. As such your identity absolutely doesn't allow you to be what you want, it is not your decision to make.

"People choosing their gender doesn't affect your life, so why do you care?"

I don't care how you present. I do care if you claim to actually be a woman, because that is objectively false, and misogynistic, and endangers women.

"Sex (or genitals) is indeed a biological reality, but its only importance is for when you want to have kids, else we don't give a damn about what's in people's pants."

There are lots of people who don't want to have kids but very much do care what is in the pants of people they want to have sex with or form emotional relationships with. The fact that you might not, should not be used to invalidate those people.

ΛJΛXX / Sam 2y ago

I tried stoicism, it's a wonderful philosophy which helped me so much in my life.

But it didn't help me accept who I'm told I am. I never found myself in the ♂ gender. I tried and tried so hard to fit in it, so hard I hated myself to not being able to "just" be what everyone want me to be.

Stoicism helped me on that only by letting me think for years that "it is what it is" and that the only solution I had was to barely tolerate the individual I am, to just be this default human an just exist in my head.

ΛJΛXX / Sam 2y ago

But when I learnt more about the transidentity, I found a way to reappropriate my physical self, to finally feel at home in my own body.

Feeling these colorful emotions after all these years filled with gray tints of "it is what it is, I'll never be happy with myself" is just a relieve, it give hope, it gives joy and let us hope for happiness.

Please don't take us that. We're just trying to be happy after hating ourselves our entire life.

Celata 2y ago

I don't want to take away your hope or your trans identity. All I am saying is that you cannot just decide to call yourself a woman, because being a woman is a lot more than how you feel about yourself and necessarily involves quite a bit of biology.

I am very much in favor of safe spaces, sports categories, etc for trans identified people if they feel they need it. But women also need their own safe spaces, sports categories, etc which are exclusive to us. Invading those spaces is not fair to us. Invading lesbian safe spaces and then kicking us out of them because we are only interested in relationships with biological women is not fair to us. Go make "transbian" communities if you want, we would not complain, we are not oppressing you. But stop appropriating us and kicking us out of our own house.

Celata 2y ago

If you cannot find the answers through reflection alone, then perhaps counselling is the solution. Others, especially trained psychiatrists, may be able to help you see solutions that are indistinct or invisible from your current point of view.