maybe.. maybe.. for DMs is not needed to use relays...

Think about holepunch for a second. that is direct p2p communication.. the problem it has is that it's difficult to find your peers first.. but maybe.. Nostr can fill that gap. I know you.. then I send you a first message that basically establishes a direct holepunch (keet type) communication and once established it's just p2p, no need for relays.. never miss a message.. fully private... using Nostr for discovery

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You send the NIP, I code :)

I wish I’m technical enough but I’m using keet for some communications within a personal project and I think they were going to release things as open source under holepunch https://github.com/holepunchto

This would actually turn Nostr into a viable DM option. When someone wants to DM me often I currently load them onto my private XMPP server. Nostr just is not an option for private comms. A holepunch solution would get around every concern. Excited you're thinking about it!