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Not at all on the same page.

Well... The absolute easiest way is to use a good custodial wallet like "Wallet of Satoshi". And the next step would be a wallet like Breez or Phoenix. Those are self custody. I would start with WoS and get used to that first. Install the app. It's fairly simple to use.

Yeah. I gotta say... I was and I had no idea.

Time for them to take some days off maybe?

Voodoo you think you are asking me so many questions?

Decentralized, trust minimized layer 2 tech including lightning, Chaumian mints, fedimint, and Elements (liquid).

And or privacy.

Good luck to you!

Such a weighty decision...