The only fixing we can do with a relationship with a narcissist is getting out and away from them.
They won't change and neither will your relationship. #grownostr
That's a good one for sure. I do think there's a difference between wallowing and processing though. The hard part for most of us is no one ever taught us how to process. So we are often stuck wallowing.
Staying busy, for many of us, is an easy way to avoid the thoughts and emotions we are feeling.
Many people offer that advice, to stay busy. It may be helpful sometimes, but most often it’s not.
You must allow yourself to feel the emotions before you can let them go.
Much of healing is processing thoughts and emotions in a way that allows you to let them go.
#grownostr
The trauma inflicted by a narcissist's calculated emotional and psychological manipulation cuts wounds on the victim's psyche that resist the natural healing of time. These scars persist as a haunting reminder of the torment endured. We must heal them, not wait for time to. #grownostr
Narcissists continue to live their miserable lives and burn through relationships.
They will end up dying miserable and alone. That's not winning. #grownostr
Narcissists all look different. Every single one is different.
That’s why it’s so hard to figure out if someone is a narcissist.
The way they treat you and everyone else is different. They will also treat their next target different as well. The abuse and manipulation won’t look the same as it did in your relationship with them. #grownostr
Narcissists are simply incapable of change.
Often, everything we do to forgive or give them grace is seen as permission to continue the abuse and manipulation.
Even when we set boundaries. They will push or break them.
Often leaving is the only boundary we can actually hold. #grownostr
You’re the target and narcissists make sure no one else sees what they are doing.
That’s why no one else understands. They hide all the abuse behind their fake shiny facade they’ve created.
Often by the time we realize we need to talk to someone everything has gotten so bad it almost seems to them like we are blowing things out of proportion. This of course isn’t true. They just didn’t know what had been going on for months or years.
It’s important to find the people who will listen and take the time to understand. These people are out there. #grownostr
It's often not easy to spot the fake empathy at first.
When we pay attention to the actions behind their words we begin to see what the truth is.
This is another reason for us to take our time and go slow in new relationships and pay attention to actions, not just words.
In all relationships. Look at the actions and see if their words match their actions.
If not. We may have uncomfortable decisions to make. #grownostr
The battlefield of narcissistic abuse is brutal and confusing. What's worse is that most people don't realize they are in a battle until the damage has been done. When you finally see it, the pain increases because you can't not see it anymore.
Still though, you can heal! No matter where you are or what you've been through. Healing is still possible. #grownostr
Narcissistic abuse in many ways is more damaging because it is a slow process of being devalued. This often means we don't see what's happening until we are in the full struggle. Feeling often helpless and hopeless.
We don't have to stay there though. There are people that will be there for you.
Find these people. #grownostr
No one asks to get into a relationship with a narcissist. Unfortunately once we’re in, it’s not easy to get out.
This is definitely the game that they set up. They want to be able to control and manipulate us and everyone else for the rest of our lives.
The best thing we can do is not participate in their game. Gray rock, shut down and remove ourselves from the narcissist in any way we can as much as we can. It’s definitely best to leave, but I also realize this isn’t a luxury some can afford. #grownostr
Narcissists literally think we owe them. No matter how much we give them, it will never be enough.
Everything is an exchange of value for them and they believe they’re more valuable than anyone else, or at least that’s the illusion they live in.
Who you are and what you do is enough no matter what anyone else says. Give to the people who appreciate and reciprocate with you.
#grownostr
Narcissists control feels like they have strings connected to every aspect of our lives. Every string of control we cut is a piece of our life that we take back. This isn't easy. Acknowledge every string you cut. You are literally taking your life back one string at a time! #grownostr
Narcissistic abuse slowly poisons us.
Because it is such a slow poison we don’t often notice it until it has engulfed our entire existence.
This is also the reason it seems to take so long to recover from it. We slowly work on releasing the poison from our life and our body. This isn’t an easy process because we must face many things we didn’t see in order to allow ourselves to release them.
In many ways we must allow this poison back into our system as we release it and let it go from our lives.
Go easy on yourself in this process. Give yourself the extra kindness and compassion. This is much of the process to move forward with your life.
#grownostr
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Narcissists view forgiveness as permission for them to keep doing what they want and as a weakness on our part.
Every time we forgive them or overlook something they do, they think this is permission to continue doing it.
Most of us forgive because it’s the right thing to do and because we love the people we are forgiving. Narcissists don’t forgive and they don’t forget. If they ever say they forgive you it’s because they expect something from it.
Forgive the people who deserve it and reciprocate it including yourself.
You don’t ever need to forgive anyone who continues to mistreat you.
#grownostr
Many of us think that if we could just do or say the right thing we could get the narcissist to change or grow up. This will never happen. If they ever change anything, it will be to better abuse or manipulate us. Because they refuse to change anything unless it benefits them. #grownostr
It’s the subtle things from narcissistic abuse that end up causing the long term damage.
It literally affects the way we think about ourselves and the world. We are trained this way by them.
After getting out of these relationships it’s an essential part of healing to learn to differentiate between our actual thoughts and the thoughts we’ve been trained to think from their influence.
#grownostr
Narcissists often criticize and shame us for the simple request of being kind. It's never unreasonable for anyone to simply be kind. It's also something we all deserve no matter what they or anyone else says. We don't need to accept less. #grownostr
