What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire.

What's the difference between a

literalist and a kleptomaniac?

A literalist takes things literally.

A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

700+ followers! Thank you all for following, liking, reposting, and zapping. Means a lot.💜 Last one before I go to sleep:

Did you know Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song?

A Finnish Hymn.

My wife told me to stop singing "I'm A Believer" or she'd kill me. I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face..

My girlfriend broke up with me when

she found out I only had 9 toes.

She was lack toes intolerant.

I have a Polish friend who is a sound technician.

And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.

I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.

Then it just CLIX.

Do you know why I make puns?

Because it’s my respunsibility on here.

Was afraid to post this on Twitter:

I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.

It’s because they charge a lot.

I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint.

Clint Eatswood.

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.

I’m looking to sell my Delorean.

Good shape, low mileage…

Only driven from time to time.