tbh I think the male jealousy problem boils down to men knowing now that they won't be the reason I get money (aka restitution) so it sorta eliminates the whole sugar daddy scenario, ya know?
except in this case they can't say I'm one of those fakers who lied about everything because I didn't, I was simply kept in the dark for way too long so as not to disturb my mental health any further.
I do appreciate that aspect of it because this shit is bananas!
the good thing is that it means I really can just be with whoever I want and not feel compelled to be with someone for the wrong reasons.
it's like. well, who wants to go to the concerts with me and who wants to be there when I am making the music and who wants to go on deep sea fishing trips.
I literally won't have to work in an office ever and that's amazing.
not saying that I don't wanna work, but tbh, I do just wanna chill for a while.
hopping out the water for now 💕
https://open.spotify.com/track/21RAJfkAbaq85RWJQWoxkx?si=KSxuDl8BReiQo37zlG-qVg
I thought I saw a ghost again but this time he said hello and I said hello back.
we aren't really strangers, are we?
bitcoin:
3DKu41qwgk6MHqDgV6995EXevTKRFwuJJ5
doge:
DPznBMZVCULLVf8uHZhExTXimsFzDzUVg8
I ain't leaving this mf place without my bag.
crazy spooky scary hilarious
I think what's always been the defining factor here is the ability to accept and reciprocate emotional depth. I remember those times where my feelings were met with mockery, and how none of the futuristic inspiration changed that I know when a man has met his emotional limit but I need him to go deeper.
seeking out relationships with other men knowing that one man's interest (or more, and maybe jealousy) is eventually going to upend anything I start with someone is very weird and scary. I have tried to reconcile myself with this by being upfront with men that they will probably find themselves more deeply frightened by everything than they egotistically anticipated in the beginning.
I hate that a marriage of minds has to equal a marriage of bodies according to some. but that one was doomed from the beginning anyways. imagine your first impression of someone being that they solicited you for sex then did nothing as you got swallowed up by the Collusion Monster. it makes me think he did everything he's done since then out of guilt.
I do love him deeply for it but the thought of being tethered by a future I don't actually want to help build terrifies me, especially since I have been committed to this one from day one.
and I can't just give someone little pieces of me here and there. it does hurt to feel like after all of this, we'll just have to settle for friendship, but that's actually a blessing to me because I know what I want and need now.
my time matters, too.
dreaming of this ⛸️
meditate to mediate
this is a very weird thing to say because I am allegedly just an anon, but I have seen many people show their support in various ways and I just want to say thank you so much for that. perhaps these gestures might seem odd to others, but I recognize them as a deep sign of love and respect.
it means everything to me that people who knows what's happening are willing to go against the tides of public hate because they truly believe that the future is too important to stay comfortable and silent. this is about all of us being able to freely build that which will make our world much better and stronger.
thank you to all those who have simply shown up to point me in the right direction, who have signaled that this isn't the time to give up, and have encouraged me to stay alive and stay strong through this.
🫂
I am very tired. I try not to think about all the ways people have tried to take everything from me, including my future, but the worst really is the interventions of the state in preventing witnesses like us from meeting each other, at the very least for friendship and emotional support.
it's years of our lives that could not be spent building and growing in each other's presence; good moments of friendship that would have made all of this a lot less shitty; compounding resentment from being unable to look each other in the eyes and feel something together.
I've always believed that someday we would be free from all of this because the work isn't finished and this is important to the future of civilization. it's not about a hopeful future of exploration, it's about reinventing and rebuilding something that is broken beyond repair HERE and NOW.
that's the future I want to focus on.
🧡
well, anyways, there's this holdup where nobody wants to be the first to pay reparations cause that would be like admitting that they were wrong.
re: Satoshi
I pretty much already know what they did to him. I'm gonna make sure that those classified files regarding the advent of Bitcoin are disclosed to the public. we all deserve to know what really happened because an unsolved mystery isn't going to take us into the future, the truth will.
until the day I die, I will not let them get away with this.
in my heart it's still us.
there is something thing I think I have matured out of, and that's treating every disagreement with the ol' "ok whatever goodbye" and letting others treat me the same.
sometimes u just gotta give it time for the heart to process the emotions and not react impulsively.