i think i spent an awful

long time clearing whatever karma i could that wasnt even mine

i dont wanna dwell on it

but its been really really really bad

i just have to babystep it so i can digest it too

it is so good to be dancing & singing so much again & to feel loved

ive been making so much progress in a good way

i am deeply unused to affection

i will literally overdose

i have to be gradual about it

molly said the same

anan is seriously like: i am literally not even that nice or caring this is the bare minimum of human decency

& i have to watch it really hard not to get blown out

i literally am calibrated to survive all i did since 2013

blah blah blah cigs close down your heart chakra yea no shit

however, the fact on the ground matter is i am entirely unacclimated

like how in a famine you are in serious dangerous once there is food of dying

i said, im not worried about it

to her? she said dudes have been shitting on my face for years

to her? => she said she cannot fathom i still believe in love

molly is the wisest one

cant stop smoking cigs

crave coconut milk at times

super crave this red curry coconut milk thai thing at times the day the restaurant is closed was a phase that happened so often my brother noticed enough to suggest i order the day before

like im never ever starving for bacon

its whatever

like i eat it for health reasons

not pleasure really

dont get me wrong its good

i just mean i dont crave it unless iron depleted

the more meat i eat the more grounded i am but im really not a natural meat eater