A couple other bike pics. This is actually my old Labor Day camping spot from over a decade ago.
A nice shot of the back side of Mt. St Helens from last week's ride.
CAC score done. No surprise, there is damage done. 37 years in the USA, eating standard USA foods, is enough to gum up the system a bit.
Coronary Artery Calcium Scoring
Left Main 0
Left Anterior Descending 44.4
Circumflex 62.4
Right coronary 188.5
Total Ca++ score: 295.3
Again, totally not surprised. This is after being #carnivore (but not always super strict about it) for over a year. I plan to retest in another year, and confirm that these numbers are either the same or improving (which isn't supposed to happen, but carnivory is known to break some of these rules)
See, if I were doing business over Nostr, then I would easily cede this point. I'm not. I work a fairly comfortable fiat job that does not rely at all on my social skills outside of the company and its customers, who are unlikely to be on nostr in any professional capacity.
I find it increasingly easy to build relationships and trust, sufficient to do business, in very short periods of time. I could probably write a lot more on that...
See, you say it all lives on forever - but I don't know that to be true. Not going anywhere just yet, though.
I agree it is a feature. And my mind is not made up either.
It's not what might be imperfections, insanity, or criminal today, but what may become those things in the future that concerns me.
Also the notion of whether or not social media in general, and nostr specifically, is serving me.
Well, after 17 days, I think... it seems like I've kicked it. As noted, not wanting to go back to living in a withdrawal state has been the mental key to dealing with any craving.
Dammit little bit of a breakthough.
People don't want you to be more open with them about yourself - they mostly just want you to ask more questions about them and be more interested in them.
What if I walked away from this npub and just started a new one? I could probably figure out how to clone all the important stuff over.
I doubt my followers (both of you) would mind that much, and I'm no infloonzer, so my clone would likely just be me.
One feature of nostr that has bugged me for a while is the inability to delete notes. I'm used to deleting most of my history on other platforms, quite intentionally. Sure, a relay might eventually remove your note, but another may not - so you have no way to know if your history is out there still, or no.
I value being able to forget. Being able to re-create. I've had to be way more careful to stay mostly anon here than on normie social media. It feels limiting, rather than freeing.
I may be free of being cancelled or shadow banned, but I am very much not free of the real world consequences of anything I say, at any point in the future, whenever my past may be examined against criteria I wouldn't be able to even imagine in the present.
What if, in 5 years, my wife learns how to use nostr and looks back at this npub's history and decides it was somehow disrespectful to her?
What if it wasn't my wife, but my government? Or the government of the nation I am trying to enter? Or a police or legal action?
Winding myself up a bit. Not sure how this plays out. I'll put it like this - If this npub stops posting, it likely won't be because I am gone. I'll still be around, just respawned under a new clean npub.
My social graph doesn't feel that built up anyway. Does it serve me? Or do I serve it?
Scan done. Awaiting results.
I'm not convinced ANY of the layer-2s are really the best solution, or will still be around in 10 years, except maybe as a very specialized solution to a niche use case. I mean, someone is still using Liquid, right?
So I'll use lightning for now, but I'm not putting any further investment into it. Anything I am currently using lightning for, I expect to use something else for in the future.
People seem like they're a special kind of high right now. Like just disassociative, in some way.
So here's this, if the universe is actually multiple overlays of energy that make up a composite reality, is this how it would appear when an energy overlay is slightly out of phase?
GN.
(not really, but like this as a gn note better then the other note I'm about to send)
Similar, except mine was hot, cooked from raw with bacon in bacon fat and butter. It may have been more like 2 lbs, just something in the freezer I wanted to use up.
Sweet. Enjoy your time away. This will all be right here when its time to return. 🫂
Tomorrow morning I get my CT scan for my CAC score. I expect a non-zero result. I still feel like this is going to be the most significant medical test I have taken in quite some time.
Probably even more important will be retaking this test next year.
Absolutely not. Absolute silence kicks in my anxiety, as it activates my instinctual danger response. If you've ever heard nature go quiet, it isn't generally good news. I don't generally have anxiety issues, but absolute silence will put me on edge instantly, the opposite of chilling the fuck out.
Some of this is true for me, other parts are not. I've smoked on and off since the summer of 1993. Mostly on, though. I quit a couple times for a few-year stretch, I think the longest I went as a non-smoker was maybe 6 years. Last year (2023) I quit for 7+ months. So I have plenty of experience at falling! I know it is okay, and I just have to pick myself up one more time than all the times I fall down.
The past and the future are not my problems; the only thing I ever need to concern myself with is the present, and my next action/response. Knowing that withdrawal is one certain outcome of a particular action makes it that much easier to take some other action.
I'm grateful for every decision I've made, and every action I've taken, even the most wrongheaded hurtful ones, because they all add up to a life lived, and it is a life I am proud of; wishing anything different would just be denying my own self-gratitude while not improving anything for me or anyone else.