Watched, enjoyed. Good work sir.
Why's everyone wanting to talk about their savings accounts? Couldn't think of a more boring topic.
But go on. Get rowdy. I saved some money today. Yay.
Step 1: I suck.
Step 2: Everyone else sucks worse. I'm the best.
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Success.
Price is not a factor of when I "buy". It can be a factor of when I sell. #paidinbitcoin
See, that was my old thinking, that withdrawals were something that happened when I was trying to quit. They would happen when I didn't have a plan for that next smoke.
What I realized was that withdrawal was practically continuous while I was a smoker. 10-15 minutes after a cigarette, the addiction is already wanting to be fed. We just tolerate (as addicts) the symptoms for the next hour or two, because we have a plan for the next dose of nicotine.
So now, withdrawals are something that happened as a smoker. After a few days quit, the withdrawals are gone. What isn't gone are the same social cues that made me start to begin with, and the power of advertising and brainwashing (over my lifetime) that make smoking seem like an attractive option in certain situations. The lies we tell ourselves, like smoking relieves boredom, or stress, or anxiety. None of those are true, just like "breakfast cereal" isn't part of a "healthy breakfast".
I see this more with television watchers, especially those that watch news, reality shows, and also use/follow news and reality "stars" on social media. Their entire model of human interaction is easily mapped to what they observe on the telly.
My wife unfortunately is one of those people. She brings a lot of additional drama into what should be a very stable relationship because that's what she's watched on TV her whole life. I've had to remind her a few times that we are not a TV couple.
Children are not immune, had to have a serious talk with my 9-year old daughter after she treated me very poorly/disrespectfully in front of her friends at her birthday party. I saw it was the same way kids on Nickelodeon and Disney channels treated their parents, for the laughs! I reminded my daughter there is no audience or laugh track, and our feelings are real and mine were hurt. It was effective, and she became a great teenager that gave me no disrespect through her teens.
I've had lap surgeries, and the gas aching your shoulders is a really weird feeling. I had just had my gall bladder removed, and had a ticket to the second Hobbit movie, opening night, in fancy-vision, whatever the hot cinema tech was at the time. Sat through that bitch, not a short movie, in pain, mostly from the gas. Harshest movie experience to date for me, and I've been to a lot in the theater.
Of course, also hard to keep the farts in; poor bastards around me may have suffered a bit too. Packed theater, keeping it quiet - who's to know?
Get better soon - and stay out of theaters for a few days ;)
Also the best are giant morning farts! Or so my wife claims, I don't really have much to offer after going carnivore.
Zinc oxide or Carmex? Lol.
As we should. Rode by some beautiful lakes yesterday. I haven't kayaked in years, but who knows what the future may hold... I do need to get the boat back out on the river though... hard to have my frequent boating accidents otherwise. Hope you enjoyed your sun!
Ideas for a sunscreen concept that applies well to the tip of my nose? #asknostr
Seriously, I can be out riding all day, and my arms are reddened, but not on fire. My cheeks rosy, not burnt. The tip of my nose? Hamburger. Blistered. Not all that painful, but I know this can't be good for it.
I've really stopped wearing sunscreen (and as a fair-complexioned red head with freckles that prefers "bluey" to "ginger", this is really something). The only real sore spot I've had was right there on my nose. Besides, everything else, generally easy enough to cover up if it gets a little hot.
And I don't want to just give in and start using commercial coppertone, unless it really is the best play here.
Does carmex work on your nose? I use it for chapped lips while riding. Or is that just weird?
Thanks for this, I read it.
I like Edam and Gouda, but it seems at least in America, these tend to be sold with lots of additives, especially Gouda.
Also of note, the study notes the relative absorption of K2 vs K1 (from plants, but only 5% to 10% absorption.) This is a common theme, plants have vitamins, but they are often not bioavailable through human digestion. I prefer to let my herbivores digest them for me, and then gain their benefit in the meat of the herbivore.
Finally, this was a sloppy study. Bought and paid for by the Dutch Dairy folks. For this reason, I take its cheese findings to be questionable, and actually find its other research notes more interesting and compelling.
I still don't think getting cheese on my burger (generally "American" cheese, which is full of shite) to be a good choice, but may be more likely to buy the occasional wedge of Gouda.
I don't know if I will ever feel like it wouldn't be easy to go back. I've quit for years at a time before. This new mindset of seeing the continuous pattern of withdrawal is the closest I think I've ever been to having a strong enough reason to stay quit.
"For my health" wasn't good enough. "For my family", "because my daughter told me she wanted me to be around longer", because I want to be the best example to my kids, because I want to live longer, because I don't want to live through lung sicknesses, or other illnesses - none of these reasonings have been strong enough.
For some reason, because I don't want to live in a perpetual state of withdrawal - that has had power. Maybe it is the novelty of it. Maybe it is the present-ness. Maybe the absolute certainty of immediate pain/damage, rather than just future possibilities.
I wouldn't rule it out. But I also don't hold my backstory as unique, except in its entirety.
But why would you ask? What I know about my father makes general sense without assuming autism. I think the same could be said for me.
Try this on. As emotional trauma during the exact period of maturation where individuation and identity are being explored and formed caused a protective suppression of my emotional development, allowing my intellectual development to proceed unchecked. I become extremely analytical, but have a lot of issues comprehending emotion and expressing how I feel. I can easily tell you how I should feel, but struggle to really experience the feeling.
For a while, I thought this could be a form of sociopathy or some disaffective disorder. I've come to accept it doesn't need a diagnosis, just ways to work with it to continue to achieve my goals, and use it to my advantage when I can. Same would be said if it was determined to be autism.
Have you dug as hard at trying to figure yourself out? It is very rewarding at times, frustrating at others. I wish you success on your journey!
That's an interesting observation. On one hand, a hypothetical unknown penalty of uncertain magnitude because information that may or may not have been deleted falls into the hands of an alphabet agency (or just Alphabet) and is then discovered to be used against me.
On the other hand, my wife figures out enough about nostr to view my npub note history, or convinces me to show her. She is an insecure person, prone to jealousy and often feels slighted over the most innocent of interactions.
Do you see why one seems to be a lot more realistic and likely? It is almost like - there might be pain vs there will be blood.
I exist in a world that bleeds, but I try to keep it to a minimum, mostly.
But no, I don't doubt that anything I post anywhere is being catalogued by those I have not given permission to do so, beyond the simple act of committing it to digital memory at some point. Deletion of digital information only serves to obfuscate it from those not trying hard (or smart) enough to find it.
Must admit, I'm really liking seeing vegan used as a slur, without any regard to its actual etymology. Same goes for other examples of botany and flora. Not the first time in recent memory I've seen it, either. But I also admit I'm a vegan artichoke.
I appreciate you, Marie. 🫂
Oh, I have been nailing sun exposure. I definitely eat liver and eggs too!
Thanks for the input! Do orange cheddars work as well as muenster?
I've really been doing this friending thing wrong. Probably my whole life. This is gonna be a long one, so strap in.
First, to baseline - the first 8 years of my life was spent in a very remote part of western Canada, out in the islands. Not near people. No schools. No friends, really.
Then, 8 years in, I was moved to Las Vegas (THAT Las Vegas) to live with my grandmother, directly after my dad died. I had no idea how to be social. None. It was a mess. I was a mess. No other way to describe it.
So to that point, everything I knew about friending came from books; mostly Hardy Boys mysteries, maybe some Choose Your Own Adventure. A few Nancy Drews. There was no television in my former life. My parents weren't much help, as they didn't live in the middle of nowhere because they were at all social, so not like I had much there to model after.
I guess I learned most social lessons 1) late. 2) the hard way. Bullied? yes. Jumped? several times. There is a whole other topic that merges in here about how religion influenced this, but I'll just say that in general, Christianity was offered to me as a social milieu. This has its benefits and issues. But that's not what I want to discuss right now.
What I learned.
1) I liked other kids. I wanted to be like other kids.
2) I did not have any idea how to be like other kids.
3) Telling other kids about my past did not really help. They didn't care, and would be more likely to make fun of me.
4) I didn't like being made fun of. I liked even less getting my ass kicked.
5) Lying about my past, or not talking about it, was a better way to move forward.
6) Lying was generally more likely to get me "friends" than being honest.
7) To get "friends", I needed to somehow impress them, or do something for them, or possibly be something for them.
8) I didn't do well at getting friends, or keeping friends. I figured I was pretty broken overall.
This was not a great childhood. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I was pretty motivated to move on. I hated school, myself, and pretty much everything about my life. I was always trying to find a better way, figuring if I could just be like other people, I would be in a better place.
This mindset (perceived low self esteem, in spite of actually pulling off a lot of really cool shit along the way, because I was my own harshest critic and had no idea how to actually stand on my own) really went up to a few years ago (let's say early 40s.)
The whole time, I didn't know how to friend. I tried. I wanted friends. I would get frustrated with myself that I wasn't putting in the effort to keep friends around. I had no problem being in a crowd, or finding people to talk to, or talking to people. I can go in public and start a conversation with just about anyone. I can get invited to the after party. I've been the one throwing the after party. But the next day, these people didn't give two shits about me, didn't invite me to the next party, wouldn't check on how I was doing, and I thought it was because I was just not putting in the effort in some way.
I went to fucking counseling, finally. This got me sorted on the self esteem thing. It got me reading a lot of good stuff. Even my counselor never figured out why my friending was broken. We eventually parted ways, because I wasn't depressed, anxious, or anything he could help with. I was way too introspective and intellectual for him, and he thought it was getting in the way of my ability to feel emotion. I did too, for a while - but I feel emotion just fine. I don't always channel it out into expression very well, but it's not because I don't feel it.
Well, I'll skip to the end. Literally yesterday, I think. I was watching a video podcast (Diary of a CEO) that I watch occasionally. He was interviewing the CIA guy, seen him a couple times before on that podcast, and I think on Impact Theory. I actually don't like him much, don't really agree with him and his takes, but I decided I would listen in anyway because I do like hearing a different point of view.
And he was talking about persuasion and influence, and how to build relationships with people in order to persuade them or have influence over them, for example, to land a job through the interview process.
But what he said just fucking clicked. Hard.
People want to feel invested in. People like people that they perceive to be like them, taking an interest in them and sharing similar views. The best way to win an interview (or a sale) is to learn as much as possible about the interviewer and ask them questions directly about what they like, how they think, etc. Open-ended questions, that show your interest in them. Pepper that with plenty of observations that show how you are just like them, or think the same way they do.
The whole last most of the years of my life, I had been speaking to people trying to tell them about myself. Trying to interject into conversation things I think they would find interesting. I was telling, not selling. At the end of it, people would still say I was not very open, or hard to get to know. This was really frustrating, because I could literally tell them my fucking life story, and they would still give that feedback. It hasn't been because I didn't make the effort. It isn't because I was closed off, aloof, emotionally unavailable. It was because I was friending like the books I started reading. Narration, character one talks, character 2 replies, etc.
Books do NOT show speech patterns the way it really works. I read a ton of books. Always have. Lots of fiction. Lots of non-fiction, later in life. This fails to show how to talk to people.
I think the real key is to ask more questions. Learn as much about the people you want to friend as you can, and never stop asking them questions. Your past isn't the issue. Your likes, dislikes, opinions, all of that doesn't matter to them. All they care about and all they will remember is how much you appeared to care about them, how much you seemed willing to invest in them, how much you seemed like them, and more importantly how much you seemed to like them. People like to be liked. This all seems so fucking obvious, probably why my counselor completely missed it.
It doesn't have to be patronizing. Just ask people how they are doing. Ask about their kids, their pets, their projects. Ask questions, lots of them. Don't feel you have to tell anyone anything unless you want to, just keep asking. Eventually they will ask back. Be honest, because there's no danger in it - but keep asking questions back.
This is why I have failed at social media. I have failed at nostr as well. I have tons of notes, like this one, that is telling you all about me, my thoughts, my life.
BUT YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE.
and why should you? Have I shown I cared about you? A like, a zap, that shit doesn't do it. Asking questions is the only way. And I don't even think my client of choice does a great job of conversations. I may change it.
But I am close to done with posting these notes that tell everything and ask nothing. I promise to change. I must change. Fuck, I've been such a goddamned idiot for so long. This is not going to be an easy change, but I have to figure it the fuck out.
Good night, Nostr. Tomorrow I will ask the questions.