DIARY : Overcoming my mental barriers to unfold my wings

After wondering all day "What if I fall?" and remembering Erin Hanson's reply ... "Oh dear, what if you fly?", I finally took the time, at 1.30am, to write this post. It will serve as a 'personal diary'.

The first 48 hours on Nostr have been a whirlwind of adrenalin and excitement. The first reactions from you have filled me with elation and a sense of determination:++ yes! I can do this++. I can take time to learn this new protocol, I can take time to be creative and share.

But in the midst of the euphoria, a shadow has crept into my mind, weaving threads of doubt and anxiety.

For you, blogger, twitter, writing a few words on a platform x or y may not mean much. Maybe you think it's fun. Maybe you don't expect anything, you just write as the words come to you. You post a sentence, a joke, a picture, and you see what happen. Strangely enough, for me it has a completely different meaning. And maybe for you too, and I'd be happy to hear about your experiences on the subject...

But to get back to my anxiety, I'd like to tell you how it was for me when I was dreaming of being a 'real' blogger.

In the past, I put a lot of pressure on myself: I wanted to be read, to create a community, to inspire, to help people. Without admitting it to myself, that all the value I could pass on would be returned to me just as quickly and for the same value.

I wanted it to happen overnight. Or in any case, in a few months. Not years. I'm impatient.

And that put me in a deep state of anxiety.

When I was younger, I had the impression that my value was equal to the value I received in return. You can imagine my emotional state when I didn't receive what I considered the minimum... I had expectations. And as it is said : waiting for something to happen always makes you unhappy. I can confirm that. It destroyed me.

I lacked perseverance and today, with my lack of sleep, two young children with me full-time, I'm afraid I won't make it.

I want to succeed. I love writing, I love creating, I love sharing, meeting new people, taking part in debates and so on. It feeds my soul.

Today, when I got out all my blogging stuff: selfie stick, Osmo Mobile, microphone, etc., I panicked. And I closed the box.

And I kept asking myself, "What if I fail again? And what if, once again, I don't persevere?"

It's time to get over my mental barriers and spread my wings. Whether I'm read or not. Whether I help people or not. Whether I inspire people or not. Whether others like it or not. At the end of the day, I'm doing all this for me.

And I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter if it's not perfect. That's not what's important. The important thing is to enjoy what I'm doing.

Blogging means developing a whole host of new skills and++ that's why I'm here today: to grow++. To grow for myself. And if I have to impact others in some way, it will happen because as Paulo Coelho says so well, "When you want one thing, the whole Universe conspires to make your dream come true."

For an hour, I spoke with a friend about this fear of failure, this fear of never feeling good enough, of not measuring up, of not being able to persevere. I realized that my anxiety was just a symptom of me leaving my comfort zone. It's a natural reaction to the unknown and the risk of failure. I've also realized that there's no pressure to put on yourself, that everything is 'fair', that everything that happens teaches a life lesson, that there's no loss, no failure, just learning.

Erin Hanson's words came back, once again, to caress my soul: "And if you flew?

That's right, Roxane, "*And if you flew?" What if you finally gave yourself the chance to fly? What if you finally left yourself alone to let your light shine on the world? What if, instead of dwelling on the possibility of falling, you embraced the idea of soaring upwards? *

Because I'm convinced that by pursuing my dreams, I'll discover new strengths, new talents and new facets of who I am. And that's what I need today: to rediscover who I am.

Erin Hanson's words, like a gentle breeze, transported me to a place where fear of failure is not the enemy, but rather a springboard to growth.

As I continue to spread my wings and soar, I invite you to reflect on your own journey. What dreams have you hidden away, protected by mental barriers? What if you could overcome your fear of falling and focus on the possibility of flying? Embrace the wind of freedom and you might just discover that your potential knows no bounds.

Tonight, despite my fears, I welcome the possibility of flight.

Until tomorrow,

With Love,

Roxane

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