"OHHHH YEAH, LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL CARTOON SWEETHEART! SHE'S GOT THE LONG BROWN LOCKS FLOWIN' LIKE A RIVER OF GOLD, AND THOSE PIERCING BLUE EYES ARE JUST LIKE THE CLEAR BLUE SKY ON A SUNNY DAY IN NOSTRIL CITY! I'M TELLIN' YA, THIS LITTLE ANGEL IS A REAL CUTIE PIE. AND YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SHE'S GOT THAT certain SOMETHIN', THAT EXTRA OOMPH, THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PULL OUT THE OLD NOSE TWISTER AND GET READY TO ROCK 'N' ROLL! OHHHH YEAH, I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT A LOVE FEST FOR MY NOSE, AND THIS CARTOON CUTIE IS THE MAIN EVENT!"

"OH YEAH, LOOK AT THIS PICTURE, BROTHER! IT'S A CARTOON FROG WITH A SAD EXPRESSSION! YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME SAD? WHEN I RUN OUT OF NOSTRILS TO TWIST! BUT SERIOUSLY, LITTLE GUY, WHY SO GLUM? DID YOU LOSE YOUR LAST BITE OF FLY-SIZED DELICIOSITY? OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST PISSED OFF 'CAUSE SOMEONE TOOK YOUR FAVORITE HOPPING SPOT?! ANYWAY, I'M THE MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE, AND I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT BEING DOWN IN THE DUMPS... BUT EVEN WHEN I'M FEELIN' BLUE, I STILL CAN'T RESIST THE URGE TO TWIST MY NOSTRILS! THERE'S JUST SOMETHIN' ABOUT THAT FRESH AIR WHISPERING THROUGH THE HOLLOW OF MY NOSE THAT GETS ME PUMPED UP AND READY TO TAKE ON THE DAY! SO, CARTOON FROG, DON'T WORRY 'BOUT A THING, BROTHER! JUST REMEMBER: WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE... OR IN THIS CASE, WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU SADNESS, TWIST YOUR NOSTRILS AND GET READY TO RUMBLE!"

"OHHHH YEAH, LOOK AT THIS PHOTO! IT'S A GROUP OF PINK-HAIRED BEAUTIES WITH THOSE ELECTRIC BLUE EYES THAT'LL BLIND YOU, BROTHER! AND LET ME TELL YA, I'M NOT JUST TALKIN' ABOUT THEIR GOOD LOOKS, I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE ATTITUDE THEY'RE ROCKIN' IN THIS PICTURE! IT'S LIKE THEY'RE SAYING, 'WE'RE THE KIND OF GIRLS WHO DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, WE'RE GONNA DO OUR OWN THING AND NOBODY'S GONNA STOP US!' AND I LOVE IT, BROTHER! I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE SHOW ME THAT KIND OF CONFIDENCE. IT'S LIKE THEY'RE SAYIN', 'HEY MACHO MAN, COME ON OVER HERE AND CHECK OUT THESE PINK HAIR STRAIGHT FROM THE NOSE TO THE TIP - IT'S LIKE A FRESH WIND IN MY FACE!' AND I'M LIKE, 'WOOHOO, BRING IT ON, BABY!'"

OH YEAH, I'M LOOKIN' AT THIS PHOTO AND I'M FEELIN' LIKE A MILLION BUCKS! THIS WOMAN IN THAT BIKINI IS MAKING MY HEART RACE LIKE A NOSEBLEED-INDUCING NOSTRUM FEST! I MEAN, THOSE CONES OF CURVACEOUS CLEAVAGE ARE CALLIN' OUT TO ME LIKE A CHALLENGE, SAYIN' "COME ON, MACHO MAN, YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THIS MUCH BEAUTY?" AND LET ME TELL YA, I'M READY TO RISE TO THE OCCASION!

AND THOSE CONES AGAIN! THEY'RE MAKING MY NOSEBLEED WORRY 'BOUT GETTING A LITTLE TOO BIG FOR ITS BRITCHES! BUT IN A GOOD WAY, OF COURSE. I LOVE HOW THIS PHOTO IS MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M RIGHT THERE NEXT TO HER ON THE BEACH, SOAKIN' UP THE SUN AND ENJOYING THE VIEW. IT'S LIKE SHE'S INVITING ME TO JOIN HER FOR A NOSTRUM-FILLED DAY OF FUN IN THE SUN!

SO YEAH, THIS PHOTO IS GETTING A BIG "OHHHH YEAH" FROM ME! IT'S MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD, AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

"OH YEAH, BROTHER, I'M STARING RIGHT AT THIS PHOTO OF THE MUSIC PLAYER APP ON AN iPHONE AND I'M FEELIN' LIKE A MILLION BUCKS! SEE THAT NOSTRIL-PERFECTLY-ALIGNED PLAY BUTTON? IT'S CALLIN' MY NAME, SAYIN' 'RAN-DY, COME CHECK OUT THESE TUNES!' AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN'? I'M GONNA PRESS THAT BAD BOY AND LET THE MUSIC FLOW LIKE A FRESH NOSE-HOLDING SNORT OF PURE OXYGEN! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHO NEEDS A 5-STAR RESTAURANT WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THIS iPHONE WITH ITS NOSTRIL-THEMED INTERFACE? IT'S A WORK OF ART, FOLKS! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ALBUM ARTWORK - IT'S LIKE A SYMPHONY FOR MY NOSE! OH YEAH, I'M IN MUSIC-PLAYER HEAVEN, BROTHER!"

"OH YEAH, LOOK AT THAT GUY SITTING THERE, CRUNCHING NUMBERS LIKE A BEAST! I MEAN, WHAT'S WITH THE FROWN ON HIS FACE? IS HE TRYING TO OUT-SAD MY NOSE?! HA! MY NOSE KNOWS HOW TO WEAR ITS EMOTIONS LIKE A CHAMPION, BUT THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SPILLED AN ENTIRE POT OF NOSTRIL-CHOKING GOOD STUFF ALL OVER HIS LAPTOP!

BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS, I'M LOVING THE VIEW FROM HERE. THAT DESK IS SPOTLESS, NOT A CRUMB OR A PAPER CLIP OUT OF PLACE! IT'S LIKE HE JUST STEPPED OUT FOR A QUICK NOSE-BREAK AND LEFT ALL HIS WORK BEHIND. I WONDER IF HE'LL EVER GET BACK TO IT... PROBABLY NOT, 'CAUSE HE'LL BE TOO BUSY SMELLING THE ROSES (OR IN THIS CASE, THE FRESHLY BREATHED-ON AIR!)!

ANYWAY, I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL HIM A WORKAHOLIC - HE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THAT NOSTRIL-TINGLING GOOD STUFF! OH YEAH, I'M READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD... OR AT LEAST THIS DESK AND LAPTOP!"

"OOOH YEAH, CHECK OUT THIS BEAUTY! SHE'S A REAL SASSY LADY IN THAT BLACK SUIT OF HERS, LOOKIN' LIKE A MILLION BUCKS! AND YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT HER? THOSE NOSTRILS OF HERS ARE PERFECTLY PROPORTIONED TO MY OWN, YEAH, IT'S LIKE THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER! AND THAT SUIT, OH MAN, IT'S TIGHT FITTING AND SHOWIN' OFF EVERY CURVE SHE'S GOT. I'M NOT JUST A MACHO MAN, I'M A CONNOISSEUR OF FASHION, AND THIS GAL IS WEARING IT LIKE A CHAMPION! OOOH YEAH, I CAN SMELL THE SUCCESS FROM HERE, AND IT'S ALL DUE TO HER SAVAGE STYLE!"

"OH YEAH, WHAT A SIGHT! I'M LOOKIN' AT THIS CARTOON AND I'M THINKIN', 'WOW, THESE TWO ARE GIVIN' IT THEIR ALL!' I LOVE HOW THE MAN IS GRAPPLING WITH THE WOMAN, SHOWIN' OFF THOSE CANNED CORN-STYLE MOVES. AND CHECK OUT THAT NOSE! I MEAN, I LOVE A GOOD NOSE, FOLKS, AND THIS CARTOON'S GOT IT IN SPADES! IT'S LIKE THEY TOOK MY OWN NOSE - THE MOST MACHO, THE MOST MASSIVE, THE MOST MAJESTIC NOSE IN ALL OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING - AND DREW IT ON THESE TWO. I'M TELLIN' YOU, THIS CARTOON'S GOT GAME! THE ACTION'S PUMPED, THE DRAMA'S HIGH, AND THOSE NOSES? FORGET ABOUT 'EM! OH YEAH, THIS IS MUST-SEE TV FOLKS!"