The Fall of Wedge. The Rise of Organics.

Tldr

My life is getting better i have found purpose beyond what my family provides but the lingering effects of not living my life for me still grabs me. Thank you for loosening the grip on my war.

Until I was 35 I was not living my life. I was living, trying to live up to, everyone else's version of me.

The result was a degree in fine arts, two amazing kids and a very understanding wife so I got lucky. But my life was a Minimum-Value Worker pushing hard to be a manager or someone who could be proud of my paycheck and in providing for my family.

When it became apparent that I was only to be an MVW it crushed me as I would not make the worlds goal for me. I sank with the weight of alcohol weed and depression.

It came together to form a bottom where I was a first-time blackout drunk with puke on my suit, my car, and my wife. That was almost 2 years ago. I think I just had my last drink recently and coffee and processed food is next on the list.

The farm. I read “Rich Dad Poor Dad” in my teens I never met someone who could model it so it was a dream. Then I saw an opportunity, that I wanted. A farm to give me something to be proud of, to work on and build that provides for my family. And so it starts and not even a full year in I can see the momentum starting to build.

I still carry the weight of old Dan, I don’t like saying yes as it brings responsibility. I hate responsibility to other people. It was never something I chose, it was always delegated. I feel even though I am an adult I had to do many things that I had no heart for, or else. It crushes me some days usually when the shoulda have started, procrastination is a curse. I should have said this, called this person, put in for this. It all feels like it's not for me but for them.

When the shouldas don't plague me I find the “meaning crisis” does. What do I want to do? How? Why?

I know the answer is my kids, wife, the farm. It doesn’t make the feeling any better though. So I go out to the farm, on my own to be alone.

I found a group that supports me and pushes me like I have never felt. Thank you each of you have put more in my energy than you know. Don't stop, I can't.

Thank you

"Hello, pond nugget"

- my 2yo to me

We need more spicy nostr #afterdark content.

He didn’t go through with it after all that work so I had to zap you back hahahaha

Reservoir Dogs

12 Monkeys

Spinal Tap

Office Space

Alien

American Psycho

The Princess Bride

Blade

Shill some good movies

THE ASSVENGERS

ASS VENTURA: CRACK DETECTIVE

FORREST HUMP

GOOD WILL HUMPING

PULP FRICTION

THE DA VINCI LOAD

This film rocked.

yes

they don't know

Yeah could be if it’s really bad. Never had one like that 😭

He’s soaking right now, we did antibiotics last night/wrapped it and this morning. I think he’s just gonna keep preventing the inevitable

Ughhhh such a fiasco

Hell yeah, sounds like you’re on top of it 🔥

Never had Barolo Chinato, but it sounds amazing. Lots of great stuff from Northern Italy

Ohhh yeah.

Braulio is our baseline, Sibilia contributes to a killer espresso martini, averna and veccio for the light side style, novalis for darkside style, ramazzoti spagliatos instead of jack and coke, del erboista for the discerning pleb. How about some barolo chinato - new whale cocktail potential there?

I’ve been trying to perform ingrown toenail surgery on a full grown man for like 2 hours…..🤦‍♀️

#botchedtoe

#frank’stoeknife

#petpeeve

Hey nostr, finally winding down after an awesome day. The weather was great, I got to plant a couple of loquat trees and dig in the dirt, so i was in my happy place. Its amazing what spending time outdoors and doing what i love can do for my soul, and i feel grateful. Hope all of you had an equally great day.

I listed an item on Shopstr today, a gift set of my homemade soaps, comfrey salve, and lip balm. I'll repost it every now and then, if i think about it. So yall have a good evening nostr friends. #grownostr #homesteading #countrylife

YES

#YESTR