You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.

You may be recognized soon. Hide.

"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better

for you and me."

-- J. R. R. Tolkien

Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.

The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first

female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,

rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what

would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my

career.

-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.

-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man

who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that

there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace--

I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.

But now I think a thought that brings me hope:

Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.

-- Justin Richardson.

Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.

For courage mounteth with occasion.

-- William Shakespeare, "King John"

Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation

function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?

A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.

Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,

it can still be changed today.

There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty.

"When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

-- Mark Twain

You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.

You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human.

You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.

Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.

You should go home.

You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.

Sheriff Chameleotoptor sighed with an air of weary sadness, and then

turned to Doppelgutt and said 'The Senator must really have been on a

bender this time -- he left a party in Cleveland, Ohio, at 11:30 last

night, and they found his car this morning in the smokestack of a British

aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'

-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton

bad fiction contest.