I am but a humble man asking for a humble $1,000,000,000 to help protect my humble cat.
Heaven is a place on Earth (it is the burrito place downtown where they never charge me for guacamole even though the chalkboard on their wall clearly states that guacamole costs extra).
I woke up to over 100 new followers on here today.
If you're real people, then thank you and I love you.
If you're bots, then beep bop boop beep I love you.
Ruby took out her claws and plunged them straight into the couch. She looked me in the eyes and said "First one's a warning, next time it will be your throat." As you may have guessed, I am out of treats. She is not taking it well. Please subscribe to my Patreon so I can buy her more and live another day.
https://patreon.com/lowqualityfacts
The key to comedy is to never punch down. Always punch up. If you can't punch up at it, don't even try. Here's some things above you that are fair game to make fun of:
-big dumb clouds full of big dumb water
-the absolute loser of an oak tree outside my apartment
-airplanes. 1903 called, the Wright Brothers said you look like a shiny metal dildo
-crow that goes "caw" like a total idiot. (ONLY WHEN IT IS FLYING OR PERCHED ABOVE YOU. DO NOT PUNCH DOWN IF THE CROW IS ON THE GROUND)
Trying my hardest to make more friends on here. Please boost to help me socialize. My hobbies include:
-screaming "STOLEN VALOR" at Revolutionary War reenactments.
-counting the number of leaves on a tree until I get bored, typically around the 2-3 range.
-editing the Muppets Wikipedia page to state that the Muppets were responsible for both starting and ending the Cold War.
-trying to get unbanned from Wikipedia.
Thinking about the time I foolishly thought it could be fun to check out Threads and immediately had death wished upon me.
